Caroline received the devastating news that her husband, Steve, had died by suicide after he had been missing for two days. It was a complete shock to Caroline and her family, and there had been nothing to make her believe that this would be the outcome when she initially reported him missing.

Their youngest child, Ada, who was just two, was at home. Their eldest, Evie, who was nine, was at school when the police arrived to deliver the shattering news. Caroline had no choice but to make some quick decisions about how to tell the children. Fortunately, her best friend, Emma, offered support. Emma called Winston’s Wish straight away and gathered as much information as possible for Caroline to feel equipped and able to tell her daughters what had happened.

I was stunned by this life-shattering news and clueless about what I needed to do. My children were my absolute priority, but I had no idea what words to use in a situation like this.

 

Caroline

At Winston’s Wish, we encourage clear and direct language when talking about death. Telling each child may be different depending on their level of understanding, and we offer further advice about telling a child someone has died, how to explain suicide to a child or young person, and further suicide bereavement support.

That phone call Emma made to Winston’s Wish on the day Steve went missing would certainly not be the last. Immediate Bereavement Support is a service you can use as much as you need to, and the purpose of the call, email, or chat does not always need to be about something big or complex. It could be a worry about new developments in your child’s grief journey that you would like to chat about or something about their behaviour that might be concerning you. Caroline says she’s extremely grateful for the Winston’s Wish on-demand services and she would regularly call in the first few years to try to understand and cope with changes in her daughters’ grief.

Everything about this situation was new to me. I had so many questions about what to expect when it came to my girls’ grief and how I could support them with it all while managing my own feelings of loss. It wasn’t just Steve’s death we were dealing with, the fact that this was suicide brought about a huge amount of additional challenges for the girls and I too.

 

Caroline

Through Winston’s Wish, Caroline received some little worry dolls for the girls, which she says they were able to whisper their worries to as part of their ‘healing journey’. It was something Caroline remembers as a ‘lighter and brighter moment in the darker days’.

‘Beyond the Rough Rock’ is a book by Winston’s Wish that offers practical advice for families immediately after learning about a death by suicide, which Caroline also received early on. She says this book has been invaluable as her daughters have grown up. Evie has been through emotions and experiences at very different times to her younger sister, Ada.  Having this resource to work through with each of them at different periods of time has been incredibly helpful to Caroline and she says she keeps it close by even now as a source of comfort for whenever she may need it again. You can buy and download the e-book here.

Caroline’s daughters are doing amazing things in their young lives and learning to express their grief in their own individual ways. From writing and playing music to advocating for mental health in their schools, Caroline feels they are able to be so confident in themselves due to the immediate support received from their community, a large part of which came directly from Winston’s Wish. Evie has even won a National Mental Health Award for the work she has been doing which includes sharing her story through a very touching animation about language. You can watch the short video here.

Vocalising my experience gave me the chance to share my truth and open up about how I’d been feeling. I wanted to start a conversation about the language used around suicide, and this animation is helping to start a dialogue around the country, which makes me so proud.

 

Evie

Six years after their family life changed forever, Caroline has published a book called Daddy Blackbird: the true story of a family surviving and thriving after loss by suicide, and you can buy the book on Amazon or reach out to Caroline directly (caroline@daddyblackbird.com) and receive a copy of the book after leaving a donation online for Winston’s Wish.

I wrote Daddy Blackbird to help others understand what life is like when the unthinkable happens and to bring some degree of comfort and relatability to those who find themselves in a similar position, particularly when young children are involved. I also wanted to pass on some of the helpful things I have learnt and to share some of the amazing support I have received too.

 

Caroline

Caroline says Winston’s Wish is so important to her, and she feels closely connected to the charity because of the support she received since the day they discovered Steve had died, and every day she has called the helpline or referred to the resources since.

Whether you are a grieving young person who wants to talk to someone or a parent, carer or professional looking for guidance, you can reach out to our bereavement team using one of our confidential on-demand services. Nothing is off limits. We’ll listen without judgement and you can chat to us anonymously if you’d prefer. Whether it’s a one-off or a conversation you need to come back to, you can reach us on the different ways listed below.

Get support

Winston’s Wish provides support for grieving children, young people (up to 25) and adults supporting them. Please call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday) or email ask@staging.winstonswish.org  

If you need urgent support, the Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for free, confidential support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258. 

We’re calling on the local community to get involved in something different this summer!  

Winston’s Wish is launching Hope 100 from this month and is encouraging local communities, families, friend groups, workplaces or school clubs to challenge themselves to get involved in an activity, from cake sales to sporty challenges, and raise £100 in the process.

This fundraising challenge is based around the thought of the number of children and young people who are bereaved each day.  

Estimates suggest that each day more than 100 young people are bereaved of a parent and that figure doesn’t equate how many are having to navigate the death of a friend, sibling, teacher or another significant person in their lives. Hope 100 serves to highlight the grieving children and young adults in our local community.   

Alongside raising funds, Winston’s Wish is hoping to signpost its services this summer and remind people of the children and young people who are having to navigate the death of somebody significant to them, whether that’s a parent, sibling, friend or somebody else. 

This summer, whilst many schools and social support networks are closing their doors for the holidays, Winston’s Wish will continue to keep its on-demand services open to the children and young people, as well as the adults around them, who are having to cope with their grief. Hope 100 serves to not only ensure that that support can remain open for the young people who need bereavement support but also to remind them that these services are available.  

We love seeing people’s creativity when it comes to getting involved with Hope 100. The summer holidays are a time when many families or groups of children and young people get together to try a new challenge, enjoy time together and make some memories.”

 

Nicki Gerrard, Winston’s Wish Campaigns and Events Manager

Nicki is excited to see people across the region and further afield throughout the UK get involved with this challenge, and went on to say: “We know that many of our incredible supporters come together because they themselves have suffered a bereavement or they know of somebody in their local community, whether that’s at the school gates, in their exercise classes or from their social circle, who are supporting a child or young person with their bereavement. Throughout the summer holidays, we are inspired to see and hear lots of people joining together to and using creative methods to raise funds for Winston’s Wish. 

“We’re hoping that as many people as possible can hear about this challenge, especially as it raises awareness and enables us to keep the on-demand services open throughout the summer holidays and the rest of the year. We recognise that many young people themselves make use of these on-demand services to get instant grief support because of a change in routine, back-to-school worries or feeling different to their peers because of their bereavement. Many concerned adults also reach out to us for support and advice, and we know how important it is to have that instant response when young people need us the most.” 

Register your place as an individual or group on our website and kickstart your Hope 100 challenge!

Once registered, you’ll receive a special fundraising pack to help with raising money for the sponsored challenge. Don’t forget to share your activities on social media using the hashtag #MyHope100 and inspire others. 

It is not every day that somebody decides they are going to take on the challenge of completing an IronMan and yet this September will see Peter McGahan take part in his second IronMan.

Peter explains his own personal connection to the charity’s cause and what motivates him to get involved in such a challenging activity as the IronMan. He says, “As an early adult, when I was 19, I lost my Dad in a car crash and looking back now, I really do wish I had the support that Winston’s Wish provides to children and young people. Its only later on in life I reflected on some of these issues. I think its super important to have this support and help available as it can really shape someone’s perspective in their life.

“The first time I took place in an IronMan for Winston’s Wish was a challenge amongst my two friends. We all chose charities that were close to our heart for personal reasons but after this I for sure got the bug. I remember a moment after finishing my last race that I had to do it again! This wasn’t just from the buzz of finishing but also to help the charity more and more.”

My personal connection was a huge motivational factor the last IronMan I raced in for Winston’s Wish.

 

Peter McGahan

Winston’s Wish relies upon voluntary donations for 90% of its income and is grateful to the army of supporters, from individuals to groups, who come together to help ensure the support is readily available to grieving children and their families.

Peter is keenly into his fitness. He says, “Physically I need to plan week by week with timings as currently my programme is training up to 12 hours a week, for this I have help from my coach who helps me plan my sessions over the last 40 weeks. But mentally I have to pre plan my social and work life more than ever. But also using Winston’s Wish as a motivating factor has been a huge push for me, especially when it’s cold and raining and the last thing you want to do is run!

“I currently work for Adidas and I’m based over in Germany and in all honesty this has been amazing for my prep. We have amazing facilities like a swimming pool, track and state of the art gym. Not only this I work with like-minded people who have similar goals so if that’s running with the track group, or training with people day to day has been amazing.

“Throughout my prep for the season, I have had amazing support from my team asking how I’m getting on, asking how I’m feeling and giving me the time to be able to train in an unreal environment. I have a really strong team with heavy team work ethic so that has been game changing for this preparation. Not only that but the thought that I can help young people in a bit of a stuck situation really motivates me.

“As I prepare for the IronMan, I am reminded of the children and young people across the UK who have lost someone significant to them. It’s a pain that no one should ever have to endure, especially at such a young age. My goal is to raise £5,000 for Winston’s Wish before the big race in September.”

If you would like to support Peter in his IronMan endeavour then don’t forget to follow his progress on his Just Giving page.

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Join #TeamWinston!

Put yourself to the test by taking on a running, cycling, walking or swimming event in support of Winston’s Wish.

There are so many challenges for you to get involved with. Simply head over to our events page to find the perfect one for you.

Become a cheer point volunteer!

Sports not your thing? Not to worry, you can still make a HUGE difference by becoming a cheer point volunteer to give momentum to our challengers.

It’s a fantastic opportunity to embrace the event atmosphere, meet the team and give our fundraisers a boost on there challenge.