The death of a public figure can significantly affect children, as well as adults. This could be their first experience of death, and they might not really understand it, or maybe they have been bereaved and this brings up those difficult feelings again. After the death of a celebrity, the news and social media will be talking about it, so it’s important to know how to talk to a child or young person you’re supporting. 

Being a similar age to Liam Payne, I followed One Direction’s journey from day one, and their music was hugely impactful in the world of pop in my mid-late teens. One of the biggest songs, and debut single, “What Makes You Beautiful”, was released on 10 August 2011, and I remember so distinctly playing it in my first car and singing along to it with my friends. Even though I never met Liam, following One Direction’s journey in my teens made me feel so connected to them. This is something lots of people might relate to with different celebrities, especially when we’ve watched a person’s life play out on our screens or through music. Listening to Liam’s music may or may not be a comfort at this time, and it’s completely valid to grieve his death. 

Liam’s death is such a huge shock for people of all ages, across the whole world, and my thoughts are with his son, family, and friends. I was bereaved as a child too, and I hope Liam’s son receives the support needed to help him understand what’s happened. At Winston’s Wish, we offer bereavement support for free to grieving children, young people (up to 25), and their families.

 

Jess, Winston’s Wish Content Manager

Use clear, age-appropriate language

Although it’s tempting to use terms like ‘gone to sleep’, ‘passed away’ or ‘lost’, this can be confusing to children who often take things literally. If they’ve gone to sleep, why can’t we wake them up? If they’re lost, why can’t we find them? Although using words like ‘dead’, ‘died’ and ‘death’ might feel blunt and harsh, these words make it easier for children to understand the finality of death.  

How to explain what death is

This might be a child or young person’s first experience of death and, if they are younger, they might not fully understand what death actually means. This can be confusing and frightening for them. Our Bereavement Support Team have written this clear way to explain the concept of death: 

When someone dies, their body has stopped working and they can’t be brought back to life. They are no longer able to do the things they could when they were alive, such as move or talk. When someone dies, their heart stops beating, they stop breathing, their brain stops thinking. 

Be honest

Without clear information, children might ‘fill the gaps’ themselves to try and understand what is happening. If you’re able, it’s better to be open, honest and direct when talking about death. There will also be lots of information available to them elsewhere – on TV, online, overhearing conversations and playground talk. This can mean that children imagine all sorts of things about a death, which are often worse that the reality. 

Let them know their feelings are normal 

Whatever the child or young person is feeling, whether it’s anger, sadness, guilt, worry, confusion and more – these are all valid, normal reactions after learning about the death of someone. They may not be upset because they didn’t really have a connection to the celebrity, and that’s fine. However, if they are upset, it would be unhelpful to say something like, ‘you didn’t know them so you can’t be sad’, and, instead, reassure them that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling because their connection is real to them. 

Get support

Winston’s Wish provides support for grieving children, young people (up to 25) and adults supporting them. Please call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday) or email ask@staging.winstonswish.org  

If you need urgent support, the Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for free, confidential support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258. 

How to talk to children about death

Bringing up the topic of death with children and young people can be difficult and feel uncomfortable, but it’s important to have these conversations.

To help, we’ve put together a guide to support you in talking about death to the young people you are supporting.

Talking about sudden death with children and young people

When someone in your life dies, feelings of grief can be overwhelming. These feelings can be even more difficult to handle if the death is sudden, traumatic or violent.

We’ve put together some tips and advice to starting conversations around sudden death, so you can better support the children and young people in your life.