Christmas can be especially tough for bereaved families. Getting through the festive season can take a lot of strength and some creative thinking. Here are some tips from members of the charity WAY Widowed and Young members about how they have coped…

I’ve genuinely taken the pressure off myself when it comes to Christmas, and just lean into what feels right each year. The first year that meant basically ignoring the day, and now it means continuing with some traditions that Nick and I started, and bringing my daughter into them. So Nick and I had a tradition of buying a bauble each year for the tree, that reflected a trip, or event that we’d experienced that year. Now my daughter and I choose one, so by the time she’s grown up, we’ll have a tree that’s decorated with memories of our family story. This feels like a really lovely way to bring together both my previous and current life.

Every other year I’ve made a point of spending the holidays in our own house, but this year I’ve randomly decided to book a two-week trip abroad so that’s bucked that trend.

 

Rachel, WAY Member

After an awful first Christmas, we began to go to Butlins in between Christmas and New Year. I paid monthly throughout the year and it gave us something to look forward to. The kids were always busy there. We watched the shows, swam and it was somewhere that had no memories of James.

Also, plan some down time for yourself in between the seemingly endless carol concerts and school events. They are exhausting and emotionally draining so be gentle on yourself and your emotions. It’s fine to do nothing some days.

Also take comfort in your WAY friends. Keep posting, chatting online. It really helps you to feel less alone.

 

Sarah, WAY Member

With Christmas looming on the horizon, here’s something that hopefully may inspire others to do the same.

It’s a Christmas tradition that started for us a few years ago.

My husband Sam and my girls’ Daddy is obviously no longer here to buy Christmas presents for, so we decided to spend some of the money we would’ve spent on presents doing a grocery shop to drop off at the food bank.

It’s great to get my girls involved in buying and delivering it to the food bank and I explain why some people need help.

Although there’s nothing we can do to stop the grief of not being a complete family anymore, we can help other families in need in a practical way over Christmas.

Then that helps to heal the hurt a little bit.

 

Trudy, WAY Member

We always did the boys’ Christmas stocking – spending hours on Christmas Eve wrapping lots of little things so they had things to open. This was my wife’s favourite part, watching them open so many things, making them guess what we had bought them.

Fast forward this year. I tried to keep the tradition, and even though they are 18 and 20, I did it. I was really proud I’d managed it.

They then surprised me (and nearly broke me) by making me my own!

No matter how hard it seems, it will get better. They will grow out of phases, become amazing thoughtful adults, and there is hope for all of you. And even the smallest thing like this makes it all worth it

 

Paul, WAY Member

About WAY

The WAY Widowed and Young community offers a safe space to talk to other people (both with and without children) who understand how it feels to be widowed at a young age.

Click here to see the latest post on WAY from Winston’s Wish.

Find out how WAY can support you at www.widowedandyoung.org.uk

Coping with grief over Christmas

Christmas can be an incredibly difficult time when someone important has died. It doesn’t matter whether your special person died a few weeks, months or years ago, it can be difficult to cope with your grief.

To help, we’ve put together ways in which you can support children and young people over the festive season.

Grief at Christmas: Common questions asked by parents and carers

Grief at Christmas can be tough for parents and carers who feel like you need to celebrate Christmas for your children. You are not the only one struggling with this.

Our Bereavement Support Team share the most common questions received by parents and carers, and what support you can give.

Winston’s Wish service user and supporter, Lisa, shares how we supported her children, Olivia, Tilly and Ellis after their dad died in 2016.

“When Christmas came that first year without him, our walls started to crumble, the bubble burst and none of us wanted to even mention the word “Christmas.” It was too painful, like the world had turned to black and white.

“Thanks to support from people like you, we were introduced to Winston’s Wish, and this is when the colour started to slowly return to our lives.

“My husband Gavin had been unwell for several years before finally being diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer. Our children, Olivia (12), Tilly (9) and Ellis (6) were so young during those first years of his illness, when he was back and forth to the hospital for chemotherapy.

“After his diagnosis he received a bone marrow transplant and was in remission, but a year later, he relapsed and had to start chemotherapy again. Gavin battled for another 2 years, and although there was hope along the way we knew we weren’t going to get the ending we wanted. So we did as much as we could with the children to create memories that they would be able to cherish forever.

“Gavin died on the 6th May 2016 and Olivia, Tilly and Ellis were left without their dad.

“One of the most powerful aspects of Winston’s Wish is that they recognize the unique needs of each grieving child. It’s a tricky place being the parent of a child that’s grieving. You want to make things right for them, you want to make them feel better, but you know that ultimately what they want is something you can’t change.”

After my dad died, I was in denial that it had even happened. I remember feeling so confused about the situation and why it had happened to our family. I had a lot of unanswered questions that Winston’s Wish helped me through.

 

Olivia Hepburn, Winston’s Wish Youth Ambassador

“My other daughter, Tilly was quite vocal with how she was feeling about missing her dad, and Ellis was much younger, he had almost shut it all out or didn’t quite understand, he was so little. I remember thinking ‘Are we actually going to be able to get through this?’

“Winston’s Wish provided us with the tools we needed to make it through those first heartbreaking years, and they need your support to ensure other families like mine are aware of their bereavement support services. Knowing that they are there no matter how much time has passed is truly invaluable and makes you feel less alone.

“Although Christmas is still a difficult time of the year, with the support of Winston’s Wish we have started to bring the colour back into Christmas. We still follow our old traditions, but we also have new traditions to make it that little bit easier to manage. We have a Christmas tree in the kitchen dedicated to Gavin which the children decorate an ornament for each year, they also all write a letter to their dad on Christmas Eve sharing their favourite memories from the year, and we play “Driving Home for Christmas,” the song Gavin always played on his way home from the airport. It’s these little things that keep his memory alive for them, and for me.

“Winston’s Wish have been a lifeline during some of our hardest moments, helping to bring back the colour when it felt like we could only see in black and white. With their help, we’ve found ways to smile through the tears and remember Gavin not just with sadness but with fond memories.”

This Christmas, Winston’s Wish will be hosting parties for bereaved children. For some this will be their first Christmas without their loved one, and they are still seeing in black and white. Each party will feature a silent disco, a way to remember their loved one, games, and a gift from Santa.

These parties will help introduce families like mine to these incredible services, giving them that same feeling of a big pair of arms to wrap around them, bringing colour back into their lives.

 

Lisa Hepburn

There are children on the start of their journey with grief who feel like that colour will be gone forever. Your donation today can introduce them to the incredible support Winston’s Wish are able to offer. You can help ensure that families like the Hepburn’s aren’t facing their grief alone. You can help to colour their Christmas.

Your donation, no matter the size, will help make these parties possible and create special moments for bereaved children and young people.

Thanks to one of our incredible supporters, the first £20,000 in donations received this Christmas will be doubled, meaning your donation can have twice the impact to bereaved children and young people.

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Winston’s Wish Christmas Parties

This December we’re hosting Christmas parties in Cardiff, Middlesbrough and Manchester, exclusively for bereaved young children.

Each party will feature a silent disco, arts and crafts, a games station, party food and a gift from Santa.

Grief support over winter

Grief during the Winter and Christmas time can be difficult. We’re here to help with advice and personal stories from our bereavement team and those with experience of grief.

Take a look at our series of support that you and the child or young person you are supporting can access over the winter period.

Written by Gary Andrews, Winston’s Wish Ambassador

My wife, Joy, died just two months before Christmas 2017. It was a sudden death (a result of sepsis) – totally unexpected and as you can imagine we were left totally stunned. She was just 41 and our two children, Lily and Ben were aged 10 and 7. I remember as that first Christmas approached, I was filled with apprehension. We had always made a huge effort to make Christmas a magical time for the kids – Santa’s snowy footprints on the landing, decorations going up in secret overnight on Christmas Eve, the family gathering together over the holiday and so on. How was I going to make this one magical with such a gaping hole at the centre of our world?

“…what we needed to do was to make some new traditions”

That first year, the answer came in the form of our friends. They had all banded together and bought presents for the kids (and me) and we had a steady stream of visitors over the whole break. Joy’s sister came over from France and took control in the kitchen (where Joy had very much reigned supreme in our house!). I sat and let it all happen around me, lost in admiration at the kindness on display.

One change I made that year was to let the kids decorate the tree themselves. It was… interesting, to say the least, but it was THEIRS. This was something that I took away from that first year. The old traditions had died along with their mum – and what we needed to do was to make some new traditions.…

Subsequent years have re-enforced this. Decorating the tree is now very much Lily’s domain – and she out-Monica’s Monica (F.R.I.E.N.D.S reference!). It’s the most beautiful thing ever.

As the kids have grown older, some things have become a lot easier – not needing to keep up the whole Santa thing (spoiler!!!!) has certainly helped. We can work as a team to make our own magic.

Ben loves Christmas music and wants the radio tuned in to the Christmas channels 24/7! Initially this was somewhat painful but now it’s become a family joke!

I am now the chef, having fallen in love with cooking over Lockdown and I make sure everything is fresh and healthy but still tasty. It’s my style of cooking. I introduced a present system to stop crazy spending on things that would be wasted. Apart from some fun stocking gifts they now get four presents only: Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. I found that they are appreciated much more.

“…it would have just felt wrong to let it go.”

We still hold on to some of the things we did together. It was an annual thing for us to go along to the Christmas Carols evening at our little theatre (very much the hub of our lives). The kids have been every year since they were born, and it would have just felt wrong to let it go. I think there’s a comfort in the familiar (despite Joy’s absence), a memory of those good times we had together that gives them a warm glow as they are surrounded by friends who knew and loved her.

Recently, things have changed again as I have fallen in love and we have become a blended family, with all the new traditions that brings (including a younger stepsister). But in spite of this we still honour Joy’s memory and make sure that there are ornaments around that she made or remind us of her – the name helps as Joy is everywhere this time of year! It really is inescapably her season!

My advice to anyone reading this during the Christmas period is to embrace and acknowledge that things are different. Don’t try to replicate what you had before – create new traditions while honouring the memory of previous years.

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are here to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our practitioners are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.

Our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for urgent support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258.

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Grief at Christmas: Common questions asked by parents and carers

You’re not the only one struggling. Here are some common questions our on-demand services team are asked.

Grief at Christmas – advice and support

Struggling with grief at Christmas? We’re here to help with advice and personal stories from our bereavement team and those with experience of grief.

Dealing with your grief at Christmas can be tough, especially when you’re a parent or carer and feel like you need to celebrate Christmas for your children. Know that you’re not the only one struggling with this. Here are some of the common questions our on-demand services team are asked by parents and carers supporting grieving children.

1. How do I cope if I don’t feel like celebrating Christmas now?

The festive season can trigger some really powerful feelings for everyone. Maybe anger and jealousy towards those who haven’t lost someone important to them, sadness because you miss that person or even feeling guilty that you are enjoying Christmas. However you are feeling is okay and you’re not alone.

Remember to go easy on yourself. Don’t try and do too much and do what feels right for you and your children. If that means spending Christmas Day eating pizza and watching non-festive TV, that’s fine. You could spend the day somewhere different, cook different food and establish new traditions. It might also help to find a way to bring your person into the day, maybe by talking about them, getting a special decoration or lighting a candle.

2. What if I don’t have the energy to do Christmas for the children because of my own grief?

Grief and the changes it brings can be exhausting. It may be that all your energy is channelled into coping with each day, and the thought of Christmas and everything that is involved can feel overwhelming.

That is okay and completely normal. Maybe this is a time where you can try to reach out to others. Ask a good friend or family member to help you think through any gifts you may need to buy, maybe send money or vouchers this year instead of feeling the pressure to buy specific presents, or let people know you won’t be sending cards. Delegate the cooking and baking if that is something you usually do or buy readily prepared meals to ease the workload.

Trying to replicate the same day you would have had before may not feel right, instead you could choose to spend the day doing things in a completely different order or somewhere different.

Communicate with others, manage expectations, break down any tasks into manageable chunks, consider accepting help from your loved ones. It is okay not to feel okay.

Coping with grief at Christmas

How to cope at Christmas as a widowed parent

3. How do I help my child remember their person at Christmas?

There are different ways you could help your child remember their person at Christmas. This could be lighting a candle in their memory, writing a card and placing this at their grave or somewhere special, visiting their favourite place or listening to their favourite Christmas song. Sometimes a craft activity can help, some children might like to make a new decoration with their person’s name on and place it somewhere special or on the tree.

If your child does not want to do anything to remember their person on the day, that is okay too. It can help to talk about this together and even try doing something non-Christmassy if they’re finding it all too much. For example, watch a film, go for a walk, or play a game.

4. Do we make new Christmas traditions or keep the old ones alive?

It is entirely your own choice whether you wish to keep your usual traditions at Christmas, add some new ones or even change the whole dynamic of Christmas.

It may be something you decide to do yourself or you may prefer to discuss it with your children and wider family.

Some people find comfort in keeping their usual traditions, though they may feel bitter-sweet when your important person is no longer there.

New traditions can be added anytime, maybe playing their favourite music, adding their favourite food or meal to the usual Christmas dinner, lighting a candle and having quiet reflection time, or visiting their resting place.

Thinking about this ahead of time may ease a little anxiety in the build-up to Christmas Day, and knowing it’s okay to change your mind on the day is really important too.

5 The person died at Christmas, is it morbid to include remembering them in our day?

It isn’t morbid at all!

Everyone will handle their grief differently at Christmas just as at any other time of year, so it may be helpful and feel more supportive if this can be discussed amongst yourselves before the festive season. Maybe share ideas of how you want to remember them, for example, play their favourite music, have their favourite food or drink, or keep it simple by lighting a candle. You could even write memories down on paper and place them on the Christmas tree.

This might all feel like too much for some people in the family, while others might find it useful. It’s important to try and discuss everything with each other and know when people might need some time to themselves.

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are here to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our practitioners are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.

Our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for urgent support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258.

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Christmas grief activities

From self-care kits to maintaining memories, download our activities to help a bereaved child or young person cope with their grief at Christmas.

Grief at Christmas – advice and support

Struggling with grief at Christmas? We’re here to help with advice and personal stories from our bereavement team and those with experience of grief.

Christmas time can cause grief and its emotions to feel more intense for some people. You might be reminiscing on happy memories or feeling like you can’t think about those memories right now, either way it might be helpful for you to write down your thoughts. Sending Christmas cards might seem like an old-fashioned thing to do, but it can be lovely to send and receive cards at this time of year, especially if you’re grieving. There may be someone else that you’d like to write a card to… the person you’re grieving for.

It might feel a bit weird to write them a Christmas card, but it can be a nice way to include them in your Christmas and also a way to let out some of your feelings of grief at this time of year. You might have seen writing an unsent letter, which is also a very useful thing to do if Christmas isn’t the right time for you or you’d like to write to past, present, or future self.

What should I write in my Christmas card?

There is no right or wrong thing to write in your unsent card, it’s entirely up to you and is possibly only going to be read by you too. Here are some examples of what you could write about:

• Plans you have for this coming Christmas and what you’d like to have involved them in
• Memories of previous Christmases, spent with or without them
• How you’re feeling in the lead up to Christmas
• Things you’ll miss most about this Christmas without them
• Something else you’d like to tell them about

Always put yourself first and allow the time to grieve. Don’t hide how you’re feeling because it’s Christmas but also because it is Christmas use it as a time to celebrate lost loved ones in a positive light. I always like to buy my dad a Christmas card and have a drink for him over the Christmas period 🙂

Mackenzie

What should I do with the Christmas card after I’ve written it?

It’s completely your choice whether you want to keep your card private to yourself, show friends or family, or get rid of it after you’ve written it. You might have a memory box to keep things in, if you put it in there you could re-read it whenever you want to. If you share it with someone, they might ask you questions or you could ask them questions and talk about how you’re feeling. Perhaps you have a special place you like to visit connected with your person, for example their grave or resting place, you could take the card there if you want to. If you don’t want to keep it, you could tear it up into small pieces and put it in the recycling bin. 

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are here to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 3-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our practitioners are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.

Our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for urgent support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258.

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Christmas grief activities for children and young people

Here are some grief activities that might help a bereaved child or young person cope with their grief at Christmas.

Grief at Christmas – advice and support

Struggling with grief at Christmas? We’re here to help with advice and personal stories from our bereavement team and those with experience of grief.

Christmas can be an incredibly challenging time when you’ve lost a loved one, particularly if you’re a parent also supporting grieving children as you navigate your own bereavement.

We asked our friends at the charity WAY Widowed and Young – which supports people who’ve been widowed before their 51st birthday – if they had any tips for bereaved parents to help them get through the difficult festive season.

Here’s what they recommended:

Don’t try to do too much

Shop online or before the decorations and Christmas music arrive in the shops so it’s not so overwhelming. Send online Christmas cards through a service like Don’t Send Me a Card. Family and friends will understand if you don’t feel up to doing everything you used to do.

Do something different

Changing routines can help to avoid painful memory cues. Establish new traditions that resonate with you and your children. Go away somewhere different to create new memories, cook different food or indulge in an outdoor activity you all enjoy. Doing some crafts together like drawing or painting can also be a good way for you and your child to express your emotions together.

Be gentle on yourself

Do what feels right for you and your children – there’s absolutely no right or wrong. If that means spending Christmas Day together in your pyjamas watching TV and eating pizza, so be it. If you don’t want to be alone over the festive period, make plans to be with friends or family, but make sure there’s a safe and quiet space you can escape to for some quiet reflection if you need to.

Find a way to bring your loved one into the day

Many WAY members said they find it reassuring to involve their late partner in the festivities somehow. Create a memory jar; share stories; hang special baubles, photos or letters on your Christmas tree; or light a candle in your loved one’s memory.

We light a candle on Christmas morning and that burns all day, like a little light that shines on in his memory and will continue to do so.

Bridie, WAY member

Make sure you have a gift to open

If you have younger children, encourage a friend to take them out to buy a small gift for you. Some WAY members even buy themselves a gift as if it were from their loved one to make sure they have something to open on Christmas Day.

Connect with others who understand

Reach out to other bereaved parents through peer support networks like WAY Widowed and Young. One WAY member Jayne has set up a Christmas subgroup for fellow members who are struggling in the run up to the festive season. The group now has more than 600 members, who offer each other tips, advice and Christmas-related activities including watching Christmas TV and movies together virtually…

There’s no escaping it so we might as well get through it together as best we can.

Jayne, WAY member

About WAY

WAY Widowed and Young is the only national charity in the UK for men and women aged 50 or under when their partner died.

The charity offers a unique peer-to-peer support network to young widowed people – inclusive of sexual orientation, gender, race and religion – as they adjust to life after the death of their partner.

Visit www.widowedandyoung.org.uk for more information or email them at enquiries@widowedandyoung.org.uk

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5 ways to remember someone at Christmas

If you or your children are struggling to cope with grief at Christmas, it might help to find some special ways to remember your person.

Grief at Christmas – advice and support

Struggling with grief at Christmas? We’re here to help with advice and personal stories from our bereavement team and those with experience of grief.

When you’re grieving, Christmas can be difficult. It may feel like you’re surrounded by memories of the person who has died and so it can be an emotional time. Or you may feel guilty for enjoying Christmas and not thinking about them. If you’re struggling with your grief at Christmas, it might help to find some special ways to remember them.

First, no two people grieve in the same way so you might find that different family members want to do different things. Some may want to continue traditions and remember your person, while others may want to do something new and try not to think about them. It can help to talk things through together and decide what you are going to do at Christmas. Remember to look after yourself during the festive season. If things become too much, find a way to take a breather.

Make them part of your Christmas

You could mark the memory of the person who has died by doing something special and creating a new Christmas tradition. You could light a candle in their memory or visit a place that was special to them. Maybe buy or make a new decoration for your Christmas tree – you could have one with their name on, a special message for them or just one that you know is for them.

Ask people for their memories of your person

You could use this time to learn more about your important person. Ask other people for their memories of the person who died and begin to compile their ‘life story’. If family members are together at Christmas, it would be a good opportunity to record these. You could include Christmas memories, for example: ‘What was the worst or best present they ever gave you?’ ‘What was their favourite part of the day?’.

Coping with grief at Christmas

Do something that reminds you of them at Christmas

Another way to remember someone at Christmas is to do something they would have enjoyed or you used to do together. Was there a film they always watched or a favourite song they used to listen to or a Christmas food they always ate? You could continue these old traditions as a way to remember them.

Buy them a present or card or buy yourself something from them

It might feel weird but why not buy a present for the person who has died or write them a card. You could place it on their grave or a special place or keep it in your memory box. It’s also okay to buy something for yourself from them. Did they always buy you tickets for something, clothes or chocolate coins? Why not buy it for yourself as a way to remember them.

Write a message to them on our wish wall

It can be difficult when you the one person you want to wish Merry Christmas is no longer here. You can write a message to them on our wish wall this year and read the messages other people have left to their important people. It might help you feel less alone in your grief.

Some of our Youth Team have shared how they remember their special person at Christmas:

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are here to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 3-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our practitioners are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.

Our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for urgent support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258.

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Christmas grief activities

From self-care kits to maintaining memories, download our activities to help a bereaved child or young person cope with their grief at Christmas.

Grief at Christmas – advice and support

Struggling with grief at Christmas? We’re here to help with advice and personal stories from our bereavement team and those with experience of grief.

Grief can feel too much during the Christmas season. It may be a time when you are surrounded by memories and other people making plans with their loved ones. There are lots of potential triggers which could pop up at any time – Christmas adverts, personalised cards, poignant films and lots of social media posts. Here are some grief activities that might help a bereaved child or young person cope with their grief at Christmas.

Remembering at Christmas

Christmas time without your person for the first, second, or even tenth time can be really difficult. It’s normal for children and young people to feel completely different from one year to the next. If they’re feeling okay to think of their person and remember past Christmases spent with them, this activity might be suitable to do this year. ‘Remembering at Christmas’ allows the child or young person to reflect on their person’s favourite things about Christmas, as well as make plans for how to celebrate this year without them. Download the PDF to try out the activity.

Writing an unsent Christmas card

It might feel odd, but there’s no reason why a child or young person can’t buy or make a card for the person who has died. There might be lots of things they wished they could say to them, for example things they miss or how they feel. Writing these down can help get them out of their head. They could put the card in a memory box or special place.

Snowman strike

Christmas can be a difficult and overwhelming time for grieving families. It can help to start a new tradition and spend some time together where you are doing something unrelated to your grief. This Snowman Strike activity is simply a fun thing to do together that can be a distraction and hopefully bring some joy.

Self-care kit

Christmas can be overwhelming, especially when you’re grieving. Helping a child or encouraging a young person to create a self-care kit with lots of ideas on how to make themselves feel better can really help when emotions are running high. This could include anything – meditating, screaming into a pillow, going for a run, listening to music… Whatever works for them.

Memory box

This is a special place to keep treasured items that remind children and young people of the person and that they can look through whenever they want to remember them. Customise the box and fill it with photos, letters, jewellery, clothing, Christmas cards… anything special. It can help to write notes for each item, especially if children are younger, so they can read these memories.

Life quiz

There will be lots of things a child or young person doesn’t know about the person who died. If you’re spending time with family and friends who knew that person around Christmas, it could be a good time for them to share memories. Create a quiz about their person with questions like ‘What was the worst or best Christmas present they ever gave you?’ or ‘What was their karaoke song?’.

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are here to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our practitioners are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.

Our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for urgent support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258.

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Coping with grief at Christmas

Tips on how parents, carers and other family members can help grieving children and young people to cope with their grief at Christmas.

Grief at Christmas – advice and support

Struggling with grief at Christmas? We’re here to help with advice and personal stories from our bereavement team and those with experience of grief.

Christmas can be an incredibly difficult time when someone important has died and you are grieving. It doesn’t matter whether your special person died a few weeks, months or years ago, you and your family may find it difficult to cope with your grief at Christmas.

Ways to cope with grief at Christmas

1. Try and be sensitive to everyone’s needs as everyone in the family will have different ways of grieving
2. Give children (and yourself) permission to look forward to and enjoy Christmas, to smile and have fun
3. Also give yourself permission to not be okay
4. Make space to remember that someone is missing and it’s natural to miss them
5. Talk as a family about how you are all feeling about Christmas
6. Decide together what you would like to do to remember your important person (see our ideas below)
7. Make plans but also give yourself permission to change your mind
8. Be kind to yourself and if things become too much, find a way to take time out

Why is grief harder at Christmas?

While grief never fully goes away, there will be times when emotions are much more heightened than others, and when the sense of loss can feel greater. Christmas – the season which celebrates love and family time – is most certainly one of those times.

The festive season can trigger some really powerful feelings for everyone. Maybe anger and jealousy towards those who haven’t lost someone important to them, sadness because you miss that person or even feeling guilty that you are enjoying Christmas. However you are feeling is okay and you’re not alone.

There are also lots of potential ‘trigger points’ everywhere – from TV advertising to poignant pieces of music and personalised cards. It’s no wonder that you may struggle to cope with your grief at Christmas.

Grieving in Winter – Advice

Ways to remember someone at Christmas

1. Some families like to continue old family traditions, whereas others choose to create a new family tradition e.g. baking a special Christmas cake together.
2. You could mark the memory of the person that has died by doing something special. This could be visiting a special place, lighting a candle, or buying a new special decoration for the tree.
3. You might want to visit the grave or the place where the ashes were scattered and place a Christmas card there.
4. You could ask friends and family to write special messages to your loved one on star-shaped cut-outs and hang these up on ribbon around the home or on a tree.
5. Ask other people for their memories of the person who died and begin to compile their ‘life story’. If family members are together at Christmas, it would be a good opportunity to record these. You could include Christmas memories, for example: ‘What was the worst or best present they ever gave you?’ ‘What was their favourite part of the day?’
6. You could choose to eat their favourite meal – fish and chips? Curry? Egg on toast?
7. Listen to their favourite music, or their favourite Christmas music.
8. Make and bake salt dough shapes to hang on the tree. You could decorate them with things important to the person who died.
9. On Christmas Day itself, remember to look after yourself, if things become a bit too much, you could always find a way to take a breather. Give yourself permission to not be ok and, equally, to have fun and smile.

What to do at Christmas when you’re grieving?

No two people will experience grief in the same way so you may also find that different members of the family will want to do different things. Some may want to keep the same Christmas traditions you had before that person died, while others will want to do something completely different or start a new tradition. Some may want to do something to remember the person who has died while others may prefer not to.

Talk together as a family and see if you can make a plan that will be sensitive to everyone’s wishes. Include children and young people in these discussions, don’t assume you know what they want to do but instead ask them. Give yourself and your children permission to do what you want to do for Christmas.

Let everyone know that it’s okay to change your mind. You might find that actually doing the same Christmas traditions is more painful than you expected. It’s okay to change your plans or take a bit of time out if you need to.

At the same time, give yourself and young children permission to laugh and have fun at Christmas. It doesn’t mean you have forgotten the person who has died or aren’t grieving for them.

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are here to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our practitioners are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

Activities for bereaved children

Download our activities to help grieving children and young people to explore and express their feelings and emotions and to help them maintain memories of the person who has died.

Information and advice

Advice and resources to support bereaved children and young people, including specialist guidance on bereavement through suicide, homicide and serious illness.

Christmas time can be really difficult for grieving children and families. Whether it’s been a few months or several years, we know grief isn’t a step-by-step process and no two people have the same experience. Lots of things might change, but it’s important to try and make some new traditions. Perhaps one of them could be playing a game or creating something together – like our Christmas activity, Snowman Strike.

This Christmas, we hope you can find little moments of joy amidst your grief, so here is a make and talk activity we hope will be a distraction, even if it’s only temporary.

Once the Snowman Strike activity has been made with the help of a grown-up, a child or children can play the game by themselves. They could create a competition to play against others or keep a scoreboard by themselves. You could add numbers to each snowman to make the scoring system even more tactical if you like!

Make Snowman Strike for Christmas

You will need:

• Toilet roll tubes or pieces of card
• Pens or pencils
• A ball
• Any other arts and crafts materials (optional)

How to make Snowman Strike

1. Take your toilet roll tubes or pieces of card (an adult can roll the card into tube shapes like a toilet roll tube and tape them together for you!) and paint or colour them in white if they aren’t already. Ideally, you’ll need at least three, but you can make as many as you’d like if you have lots of these materials lying around.

2. The child can then colour or paint the snowman’s face onto the tube. You can add any craft materials at this stage – go as creative as you’d like! You could add a paper scarf, stick a curved piece of paper over the top and add pompoms to look like earmuffs…

3. Line your snowmen up just like you might have seen skittles lined up if you’ve been bowling or played a similar game before. Make sure you’ve got enough space to bowl a ball at them…

4. Take your ball and have a go! See how many you can knock down.

You might like to add a scoring system to each snowman. You could then play more tactically and try to always knock down the one with the highest points! Maybe you could play this game over the Christmas period with anyone who’s visiting, or you can compete with yourself and make a note of your high score each time you play!

We hope this game can bring a moment of joy to your household. If you complete this activity, please tag us in your photos on social media – we’d love to see your snowmen! Just search for Winston’s Wish.

Getting grief support

Our bereavement support workers are available to offer information, guidance and support, right away. Reach out on 08088 020 021 or use our live chat (click the blue ‘chat’ button on the bottom right of your screen) between 8am and 8pm, Monday to Friday. You can also email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org and we’ll get back to you within two working days.

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

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Activities for grieving children

Download our free activities to help grieving children express their feelings and remember someone who has died.

Coping with grief at Christmas

Advice from our practitioners on ways to cope at Christmas and ideas to remember someone during the festive period.