Christmas can be an incredibly difficult time when someone important has died and you are grieving. It doesn’t matter whether your special person died a few weeks, months or years ago, you and your family may find it difficult to cope with your grief at Christmas.

Ways to cope with grief at Christmas

1. Try and be sensitive to everyone’s needs as everyone in the family will have different ways of grieving
2. Give children (and yourself) permission to look forward to and enjoy Christmas, to smile and have fun
3. Also give yourself permission to not be okay
4. Make space to remember that someone is missing and it’s natural to miss them
5. Talk as a family about how you are all feeling about Christmas
6. Decide together what you would like to do to remember your important person (see our ideas below)
7. Make plans but also give yourself permission to change your mind
8. Be kind to yourself and if things become too much, find a way to take time out

Why is grief harder at Christmas?

While grief never fully goes away, there will be times when emotions are much more heightened than others, and when the sense of loss can feel greater. Christmas – the season which celebrates love and family time – is most certainly one of those times.

The festive season can trigger some really powerful feelings for everyone. Maybe anger and jealousy towards those who haven’t lost someone important to them, sadness because you miss that person or even feeling guilty that you are enjoying Christmas. However you are feeling is okay and you’re not alone.

There are also lots of potential ‘trigger points’ everywhere – from TV advertising to poignant pieces of music and personalised cards. It’s no wonder that you may struggle to cope with your grief at Christmas.

Grieving in Winter – Advice

Ways to remember someone at Christmas

1. Some families like to continue old family traditions, whereas others choose to create a new family tradition e.g. baking a special Christmas cake together.
2. You could mark the memory of the person that has died by doing something special. This could be visiting a special place, lighting a candle, or buying a new special decoration for the tree.
3. You might want to visit the grave or the place where the ashes were scattered and place a Christmas card there.
4. You could ask friends and family to write special messages to your loved one on star-shaped cut-outs and hang these up on ribbon around the home or on a tree.
5. Ask other people for their memories of the person who died and begin to compile their ‘life story’. If family members are together at Christmas, it would be a good opportunity to record these. You could include Christmas memories, for example: ‘What was the worst or best present they ever gave you?’ ‘What was their favourite part of the day?’
6. You could choose to eat their favourite meal – fish and chips? Curry? Egg on toast?
7. Listen to their favourite music, or their favourite Christmas music.
8. Make and bake salt dough shapes to hang on the tree. You could decorate them with things important to the person who died.
9. On Christmas Day itself, remember to look after yourself, if things become a bit too much, you could always find a way to take a breather. Give yourself permission to not be ok and, equally, to have fun and smile.

What to do at Christmas when you’re grieving?

No two people will experience grief in the same way so you may also find that different members of the family will want to do different things. Some may want to keep the same Christmas traditions you had before that person died, while others will want to do something completely different or start a new tradition. Some may want to do something to remember the person who has died while others may prefer not to.

Talk together as a family and see if you can make a plan that will be sensitive to everyone’s wishes. Include children and young people in these discussions, don’t assume you know what they want to do but instead ask them. Give yourself and your children permission to do what you want to do for Christmas.

Let everyone know that it’s okay to change your mind. You might find that actually doing the same Christmas traditions is more painful than you expected. It’s okay to change your plans or take a bit of time out if you need to.

At the same time, give yourself and young children permission to laugh and have fun at Christmas. It doesn’t mean you have forgotten the person who has died or aren’t grieving for them.

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are here to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our practitioners are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

Activities for bereaved children

Download our activities to help grieving children and young people to explore and express their feelings and emotions and to help them maintain memories of the person who has died.

Information and advice

Advice and resources to support bereaved children and young people, including specialist guidance on bereavement through suicide, homicide and serious illness.