We’re sharing this piece written by Jason King, Head of Quality and Standards at Westerleigh Group, to dispel a few myths around crematoriums and help you understand more about visiting with a child or young person.

If you’ve never been to a crematorium before, you may think of them as being sombre, gloomy places that you would only visit if you were attending a funeral. You could certainly be forgiven for asking why anyone would choose to spend time there, let alone visit with a child.

Westerleigh Group is one of the UK’s largest independent owners and operators of crematoria and cemeteries, with 41 sites in England, Scotland and Wales. Every one of them is set within beautifully landscaped gardens of remembrance which provide peaceful places for people to visit and reflect, as well as being bio-diverse habitats rich with plant and wildlife. People do not just visit a Westerleigh Group crematorium to attend funerals, they go at all different times to remember loved ones in a welcoming, comforting, environment. One of the most effective ways to find out exactly what a crematorium is really like is to visit one – and not wait until it is time to attend a funeral.

Westerleigh Group’s crematoria run open days and also have an open door policy, which means anyone is welcome to contact their nearest site and arrange a mutually convenient time to visit. This provides opportunities for people to explore the grounds and our chapels, meet our dedicated colleagues and ask any questions at all about what happens in our crematoria. If they wish, visitors can go ‘behind the scenes’ and take a tour of the crematory, too. It’s so important that visitors feel welcome and comfortable when they visit any of our crematoria, and that applies even more to children.

Funerals can, of course, be very emotional events, and the right environment and setting can go a considerable way towards making that experience a little easier. It’s understandable that someone might think that they would never consider visiting a crematorium with a child unless they really have to. But it should be remembered that children are not immune to grief when a loved one dies.

It’s important to give them a chance to feel included in what other family members are experiencing. Clear, simple, language should be used when talking to children about death, and they should be encouraged to ask questions and express their feelings. You should be honest, and provide reassurance, as children may not understand the concept of death in the same way that adults do, but will still experience grief in their own way, which is why they should be included. Winston’s Wish can help you find the words to explain anything about death, dying, and grief. You can contact them on weekdays from 8am to 8pm for immediate support by phone, email, or live chat.

One of the most commonly asked questions is, ‘how do we know for sure that our loved one is really inside the coffin?’, which is a perfectly reasonable thing to consider. We never open a coffin when it arrives at any of our crematoria, but we carry out important identification checks and scrutinise the accompanying paperwork. From the moment that a coffin comes into our care, we apply the exceptional standards of service that Westerleigh Group has built its reputation on. Part of that involves a thorough audit trail which is maintained and followed, all the way from the moment the coffin arrives at the crematorium right up to the final return of the ashes to the family. We conduct this audit trail with meticulous attention to detail.

Another common query concerns what happens towards the end of a ceremony, when the curtains close. Many people believe that the cremator is either directly behind the wall on the other side of the curtain, or that the coffin is lowered directly into a cremator, and that the process begins straight away. This is not always the case. When the curtains close, the coffin is very carefully transferred to the crematory, and the cremation itself takes place within the shortest possible time. Whereas typically a funeral service can last between 10 minutes and 1 hour, the average cremation process takes one and a half hours, so you can see how, if there are several services in a day, the actual cremation can’t happen at the same time.

The other question we are often asked is, ‘what happens to the ashes after cremation?’ There are many choices, from scattering or burying them in the garden of remembrance which includes a wide range of memorial options. There is no need to make a hurried decision about the final resting place of the ashes. Some families prefer to hold onto them until they decide what to do, but we also have the facility to care for the ashes until a decision is made.

We are also often asked if we can personalise our chapel, making it more welcoming for all family and friends of the deceased, not just for children. And the answer to that, of course, is yes. We pride ourselves on doing whatever we can to make a service as uniquely personal as possible. For example, we recently hosted a traditional service for a young family who lost their mother. We re-arranged the chapel for an ‘afternoon tea’ – one of her favourite activities – so that her family could have one last special ‘picnic’ with her before saying goodbye. 

The exceptional care and support that Westerleigh Group provides to the bereaved does not stop at the end of a funeral service. My biggest piece of advice to anyone who has any questions at all about the cremation process is to contact their nearest Westerleigh Crematorium and arrange a visit – for them, and their children – and to see for themselves that our crematoria are very peaceful and comforting surroundings served by caring and compassionate colleagues. 

If you’re supporting a child or young person and would like to ask questions and find out more about the language you can use to explain grief, death, and dying to them, please reach out to Winston’s Wish. Immediate support is available over the phone, by email, or on our live chat, and you don’t have to join a waiting list to speak directly to a Bereavement Support Worker. 

Accessing Support

Speak to our bereavement support team to talk about supporting a bereaved child of young person, or know a child or young who would like to talk to someone through our On-Demand services.

Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.

Email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or fill out our contact form and we’ll reply within two working days.

Chat online between 8am-8pm, weekdays by clicking the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen.

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

WEBINAR FULL

If you would like to keep up to date with more webinars like this, please email your contact details to communications@staging.winstonswish.org.

Acclaimed Teacher, Author, and TES writer Kate Jones is teaming up with Winston’s Wish to deliver an exclusive webinar exploring how to support bereaved pupils in the classroom.

When: Wednesday 13th November (4pm to 5pm)

Where: Online via Zoom

Price: FREE

It’s estimated that 1 in 29 children* have experienced the death of a parent or sibling, that’s at least one in every classroom, and in a recent survey of bereaved young people** nearly half (49%) said that the issue that worried them most was falling behind in school or education.

If you work in an education setting and have received no formal bereavement training, this webinar is for you!

In this free webinar, Kate, alongside a Winston’s Wish Bereavement Support Worker, will explore ways in which you can create a supportive environment for bereaved children within your classroom.

Together, we will provide practical strategies and compassionate approaches to give you the skills and confidence to help bereaved children and young people.

This session promises invaluable insights and access to resources to help you better understand and address the needs of grieving students.

* Childhood Bereavement Network (2023)

** Winston’s Wish survey of 150 bereaved young people between the ages of 13 and 25 (2023)

Creative Therapy is a way for children and young people to process their grief when they may not be ready to talk or have the language to explain what they are feeling. Books, games, art, journalling, play and music can provide a space that allows children and young people to explore feelings and experiences at their own pace, in a way that feels safe and developmentally appropriate.

Creative Therapy can be especially helpful for children and young people who have Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND), younger children, or anyone who struggles to put their grief into words.

How is Creative Therapy different from Counselling or Talking Therapies?

We ensure that children and young people’s confidentiality is respected, with a child or young person’s consent. Key themes of the therapy can be communicated by the therapist to family members or key members of their network.

If children prefer not to talk, they can draw, play, share special interests and make things all while building a trusting relationship with the therapist in a safe, supportive environment where themes of grief and dying can be explored in a way that feels right for them.

Sessions can be shorter than traditional counselling session of 50 minutes if that suits the need of the child, although they still will be at the same time and day each week.

The child may find ways of remembering their important person who died through art, music, collage, scrapbooking or photography. If so, we will work together to make sure the child has the resources they need to do this.

Children under 13 are required to have a parent, carer or adult in the session, but we can plan and accommodate this need for young people also.

How does it work online?

In your assessment session your therapist will talk to you about the types of activities the child enjoys, and depending on their interests will ask you to provide basic materials you may already have, e.g. pens, paper, beads, modelling clay. They may also send you some resources to use in sessions, it’s helpful if you can keep these in a safe place and have them ready at the beginning of each session.

The child and the therapist may also play games online together, so exploring whether the child can share the screen and use the whiteboard on Zoom would be helpful. The therapist may also share links with your child to play games online.

How might it help?

Creative Therapy provides a safe space for children to express their grief which they may find difficult to put into words.

Some children lose confidence after a bereavement, and Creative Therapy focuses on helping children to feel empowered and having a choice about what they do, which often results in increased self-esteem and resilience.

Sometimes children can explore alternative behaviours and coping strategies that may lead to them finding their grief easier to manage.

With the child’s permission, some elements of the sessions can be communicated to a trusted adult, which may help in finding ways for the child to process their grief or make changes at home or school to try and make life easier for them. For example, this could be highlighting an area of confusion for the child, noting an activity that seems to be particularly soothing for them or recommending resources, games or books that have been helpful in the sessions.

Meet Sophie, the creative therapist who delivers the digital creative therapy at Winston’s Wish to help children and young people express their grief when they don’t want to talk or have the language skills to put their grief into words.

Accessing Support

Speak to our bereavement support team for further information by using our on-demand services.

Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.

Email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or fill out our contact form and we’ll reply within two working days.

Chat online between 8am-8pm, weekdays by clicking the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen.

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

Winston’s Wish lottery player, Mandy, shares her reasons for playing every week following the support her transgender daughter, Sasha, received when her dad died.

In 2001, Mandy and her family – husband Bob and child Sasha – were travelling in France when their car was hit by a speeding motorcycle. Mandy and Sasha sustained minor injuries, tragically Bob was killed.

The devastation of Bob’s death left Sasha, Mandy and their extended family in shock, not knowing where to turn, until a friend recommended Winston’s Wish after reading an article on the charity.

I was in a terrible state when I spoke to a counsellor called Brenden, who I will forever be grateful to. And following this call, Sasha and were able to access help from Winston’s Wish, which was amazing and helped us both immensely.

Mandy Callard

Throughout their lives, Sasha and Mandy have struggled with both the loss and nature of Bob’s death, especially during Sasha’s teenage years when she struggled with ADHD, dyslexia and bullying. They have returned to Winston’s Wish many times and received support to help Sasha cope with her grief and emotions.

The support over the years inspired Mandy to give back to Winston’s Wish in many ways, including playing our lottery, fundraising and setting up a Tribute Fund in Bob’s name.

Mandy has been playing the Winston’s Wish lottery since it first launched and said,
“I have been lucky to win £1,000 since I signed up and if I won the £25,000 jackpot, I would put some in Bob’s Tribute Fund, give some to Sasha and have a holiday with my now husband, Les, who has been an amazing support for both of us.”

“Because of the invaluable support given to Sasha and me by Winston’s Wish, which I don’t know if I could have coped without, I support them when I can.”

I would encourage people to sign-up to the Winston’s Wish lottery as you will be supporting this amazing charity which is a lifeline to bereaved children and parents.
You never know, you may win the jackpot!

Mandy Callard

Play the Winston’s Wish lottery

Some say it’s better to give than take, we say you can do both! Sign up for the Winston’s Wish lottery for just £1 each week and help raise vital funds to support bereaved children across the UK.

Your £1 could make a HUGE difference while giving you the chance to win £25,000!

WEBINAR FULL

If you would like to keep up to date with more webinars like this, please email your contact details to communications@staging.winstonswish.org.

Join acclaimed Teacher, Author, and TES writer Kate Jones with special guests Winston’s Wish in this exclusive webinar exploring how to support bereaved pupils in the classroom.

It’s estimated that 1 in 29 children* have experienced the death of a parent or sibling, that’s at least one in every classroom, and in a recent survey of bereaved young people** nearly half (49%) said that the issue that worried them most was falling behind in school or education.

This free webinar will explore some of the practical strategies and compassionate approaches to create a supportive environment for bereaved children within your classroom. Led by Winston’s Wish, the UK’s first childhood bereavement charity, this session promises invaluable insights and access to resources to help you better understand and address the needs of grieving students.

If you work in an education setting and have received no formal bereavement training, this webinar is for you!

* Childhood Bereavement Network (2023)

** Winston’s Wish survey of 150 bereaved young people between the ages of 13 and 25 (2023)