WEBINAR FULL

If you would like to keep up to date with more webinars like this, please email your contact details to communications@staging.winstonswish.org.

Acclaimed Teacher, Author, and TES writer Kate Jones is teaming up with Winston’s Wish to deliver an exclusive webinar exploring how to support bereaved pupils in the classroom.

When: Wednesday 13th November (4pm to 5pm)

Where: Online via Zoom

Price: FREE

It’s estimated that 1 in 29 children* have experienced the death of a parent or sibling, that’s at least one in every classroom, and in a recent survey of bereaved young people** nearly half (49%) said that the issue that worried them most was falling behind in school or education.

If you work in an education setting and have received no formal bereavement training, this webinar is for you!

In this free webinar, Kate, alongside a Winston’s Wish Bereavement Support Worker, will explore ways in which you can create a supportive environment for bereaved children within your classroom.

Together, we will provide practical strategies and compassionate approaches to give you the skills and confidence to help bereaved children and young people.

This session promises invaluable insights and access to resources to help you better understand and address the needs of grieving students.

* Childhood Bereavement Network (2023)

** Winston’s Wish survey of 150 bereaved young people between the ages of 13 and 25 (2023)

Grief, death, and dying are all things no one wants to talk about, but we do.

– Grace, Youth Trustee, 23 (bereaved at age 8) 

Bringing up the topic of death with children and young people is really important. Lots of adults find this uncomfortable when talking to other adults, and it’s completely normal to feel this way when talking to children and young people as well. It can sometimes feel such a big responsibility to talk about a death to a child or young person, and it’s normal to question where to start the conversation, what words to use, how will the child/young person react, must I do this, can I do this?   

You know that you can do this. Talking about a death isn’t just for health, education or bereavement specialists, it’s a conversation you can have with the children you’re supporting.  

It’s normal for adults to worry about saying the wrong thing, fearing the conversation will make the child feel worse after, or trying to avoid having the conversation altogether. It can feel like it’s testing all you’ve got, to have such an important conversation with the child. It can feel even more difficult for you if you are also grieving, in shock yourself and struggling to think clearly. 

If the child or young person you are supporting has special educational needs or disabilities, they may need some extra support in understanding what has happened. It is important to remember that no matter how severe their disability, each child will still be affected by grief and can be supported in a way that is appropriate to them. We have more information about this in our publication We All Grieve. 

Whilst there is no ‘one size fits all’, and every individual grieves differently, Winston’s Wish can support you in talking, and listening, to the child about the death and their grief. Use the on-demand services available on weekdays from 8am to 8pm.  

Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.

Email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or fill out our contact form and we’ll reply within two working days.

Chat online between 8am-8pm, weekdays by clicking the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen.

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

Talking to a child about death

If the child you’re supporting has experienced a death for the first time, they may not understand what death means, and you may need to explain this to them, perhaps over a period of time. Winston’s Wish created a resource for explaining death through insects. 

Children often struggle to understand the permanency of death, and they may think the person will come back to life again. This is normal, and it’s important to explain clearly to them that this cannot happen. The Winston’s Wish bereavement support team say that is better to be open, honest, and direct.  Read more here.

Most caring adults want to protect the child from distress and pain, and many choose to use softening language when explaining a death to a child, such as “they passed away”, “they’ve gone to sleep” or “we lost… ” Phrasing things like this may feel like you are shielding the child from difficult and painful feelings and emotions, and the reality of what has happened.  

If you can, use words like ‘died’ and ‘dead’ rather than ‘passed away’ or ‘lost’. Using less direct language often leads to confusion, especially in younger children who may wonder if they can go and find a person who is now ‘lost’ or wonder if they will die when they go to sleep, not understanding that dying is different from usual sleep, even if someone died whilst they were asleep. 

Telling a child about death and how it happened

If you don’t tell the child about a death, they are likely to feel confused and anxious about what has happened. You can help support the child by talking with them about a death. 

Don’t feel under pressure to talk about everything in detail, in this one conversation.  Winston’s Wish recommends giving age-appropriate information, often one piece of information at a time. You can build up the information that you share with the child over time, as and when they are ready for it.  Think of it like giving the child the next piece of the jigsaw puzzle. When they ask for the next piece, it lets you know that they are ready for it, so you can take the lead from the child and go at their pace.  

Where possible, Winston’s Wish bereavement support workers suggest having this conversation in person and being physically together in the same place at the same time. Avoid telling the child about a death over the phone or text message if possible. 

You can start the conversation by saying that you have some sad news to tell them.  You may want to let them know that after you have explained this, that you can both have a hug, or they can do an activity of their choice. Emphasise that you are there for them if they want to do something together or if they want time on their own, that’s ok too. If it’s manageable, it’s important for you to maintain existing routines around mealtimes, bedtimes etc., because this sense of predictability and familiarity can be comforting and reassuring to a child or young person and help them to feel safe. 

Often it can be enough to just say that someone has died. Winston’s Wish recommends using their name/relationship to the child “… has died”.   

Here is a video which explains death, dying and grief for children around primary school age, but may also be useful for people of different ages. 

Managing reactions from more than one child

If you are supporting more than one child, you may decide to tell them together or one at a time. Be prepared that they may have different understandings and grief responses, some may cry, some may not; some may act as if nothing has happened, whereas you may see huge changes in emotional, social and behavioural presentation in others; some may want to be close to you, others may prefer time on their own or with their friends. This is normal and ok. Try not to judge and compare any differences between siblings in what grief emotions and feelings are shown and how, but view them each individually, and accept that grief is unique, and this is what the death of this person means to this individual child now, and how they are coping with this.  

Remember that there are lots of different ways that individual children and young people may respond after news of a death. The child may respond differently to how you have responded, or differently to a sibling. 

Don’t be afraid of any silences or pauses, as the child tries to make sense of what is being said to them. Shock is a normal response to being told news of a death. Give the child time to start to process the enormity of what has just been said to them, don’t rush this or overwhelm them with more information.  

Sometimes people of all ages will struggle to accept news about a death and may think it is a joke or not really true. They may need more time to process what has been said to them, and to re-hear this a few times for it to sink in. 

Some children, especially younger ones, may want to go off and play immediately after you tell them that someone has died, and not appear to have appreciated the seriousness of what has been shared with them. This may be because they don’t really understand and/or because young children often ‘puddle jump’ in their grief. This means that when children start to feel difficult or uncomfortable feelings and emotions, that they can quickly try to distract themselves with other things. If the child reacts like this, it’s quite normal and it doesn’t mean that you have done anything wrong. 

Read more about children and their grief.

Answering questions the child(ren) may have

You can then be led by any questions the child or young person asks.  Remember that if a child or young person asks a question it usually means that they are ready for the answer.  Remember to explain using child appropriate language, in a way that a child can understand. 

If you are unsure how to answer a question from the child, let them know that you will have a think about how best to explain this for them, and then be sure to come back to them. 

You are welcome to use the on-demand services to speak to one of the Winston’s Wish bereavement support workers, so they can help you to think about how to tell the child about a death of someone in their life, in a way that they can understand. They are here to help you practise this conversation if you want to and to feel more confident in being able to do this. They can also offer you support after having had this conversation, by helping you to think about ways to respond to any questions that the child has, and what to do next to help support the child as they grieve.

Grief is the love you have for the person who passed away, living on.

– Conor, Youth Ambassador, 24 (bereaved at age 17)

Remember the worst has already happened, by being willing to be available to the child and to talk with them about what has happened, you are supporting them and showing them that you care about them. You are also letting them know that they don’t have to try to make sense of this all on their own, that you can talk about this together, if they want to, from now on.  

Don’t worry if you cry. If this happens, let the child know that people cry for all sorts of different reasons, and sometimes people cry because they are feeling sad and miss the person who has died. Let the child know that this is what you are feeling now “I’m crying because I’m really missing… and sad that they died.” 

There are story books that you can read with the child to help them to understand more about what has happened and how death affects us; to begin to think about what the death of this person means to them now, how they feel, what questions they have, and ways that they can be supported in their grief. 

Take a look at our suggested reading list. 

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Free Grief Activities

Activities can be a useful way to help grieving children and young people to explore and express their feelings and emotions and to help them maintain memories of the person who has died. Take a look at some of our activities that you can try yourself at home.

How to support a teenager who is grieving

When a teenager experiences the death of someone close to them, their emotions and ability to cope can feel so much more difficult and intensified for the young person and those supporting them. We have some advice on how to talk to a teenager about a death.

Exams can often be a difficult time for most students when people can feel under pressure to perform and to give of their best. This can sometimes feel additionally difficult for students who are grieving, who may find it hard to think clearly, take information in, access memory recall, concentrate and focus, and see the value in doing exams, when their entire world has been turned upside down by losing someone, when their emotions are heightened, when day to day life and things like sleep can already feel a struggle. 

Not all young people struggle with exams when grieving though. Grief doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some bereaved young people are highly motivated and focussed on making plans for their future, and sitting exams offers them some distraction from their grief. 

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and restless at stressful times like exams, when changes may be up ahead, as young people can relate these feelings with their past emotions from the time of the bereavement. Grief feelings can return during important life events and changes. The bereavement doesn’t have to be recent for grief to affect the student in their exams.

Exams are also a time when existing school/college routines change. Maintaining routines can help a grieving student to feel safe and that despite the pain of their loss, reassure them that aspects of their life is still predictable and familiar. Without the normal school/college routine, life can start to feel unsettled again and this can bring on feelings of unease and fear. 

Students who are grieving may be seeking distractions to help themselves cope with painful thoughts, feelings and emotions, as part of their grief, and the prospect of sitting in an exam hall, in silence for a few hours, surrounded by other students, may cause them to feel exposed and worry about what others will think of them and how they will get through the exams if they start to cry or if their mind goes blank. 

They may also feel additional responsibility to achieve well for their family and/or the person who has died and want to make them proud. 

How can an adult support a grieving young person?

Don’t make assumptions about a young person’s experiences. Have a conversation with the young person to find out how they feel and what support they want from you and/or others. Ask each individual grieving student: 

• How do you feel about the exams?
• Do you have any worries about them?
• If you do, what might help?

 

If the student identifies fears and/or worries but doesn’t identify anything that could help, offer suggestions “can I suggest….? (grounding techniques), how do you feel about giving this a go?” 

Talk to the student before the exams to ask how they would like you to support them. This could include getting them some tasty snacks to enjoy whilst revising, practical and emotional support. 

Revision

Short bitesize revision sessions of up to 20 minutes, followed by a 10-minute break, will be more effective in aiding memory retention than solid revision for hours at a time. It is important to give the brain time to process information and not to overwhelm it, otherwise this is more likely to cause the student to feel frustrated and disheartened. 

Help the student to identify things that calm and relax them, things that they enjoy and experience joy, purpose and satisfaction doing, and things that help them to feel safe, which they can do before the exams, between exams, or as they get ready to go to sleep. These don’t have to be big things, often it’s the ordinary things that can be most helpful. Consider trying to involve as many of your 5 senses as you can- things that they can look at, touch/hold, taste, smell, and listen to, which they identify as bringing them a sense of calmness, feel good and comforting. 

Show interest in the student and their wellbeing and interests generally, don’t just focus conversations on their exam revision/preparation and performance. Recognise that whilst exams are a part of their life, their self-worth, identify and value go way beyond this experience. 

Sometime before the exams, support the student to try using different grounding techniques, to see which ones they prefer and help them most to calm and focus, such as visualisation of ‘my happy place’ which can be used before, during or after an exam, breathing exercises, and affirmations to name but a few. It will be easier for the student to benefit from these if they have practised them before the exams, and if they can view them as more generally as life skills. 

Encourage the student to see the value of self-care

Help the student to plan treats or things that they can look forward to after each exam, between exams, and after the whole exam experience. 

Help the student to know what options they have and how they can be supported if…. happens (If my mind goes blank/ I start to cry….), then I can…. (…) So that they know they have choice. 

When sitting the exams

For some grieving students it is very important to them to feel connected to the person who has died whilst they are sitting an exam, for example, wearing a piece of jewellery that either belonged to the person who died, or has their ashes in, or was given to them by the person who has died. Some grieving young people may want to 

have something small in their bag or pocket that connects them to the person who has died- having this physically with them, can help to reassure and comfort them. 

If the student doesn’t feel that one exam went well, listen, accept, and validate their feelings. Encourage them to see each exam as a separate opportunity and to give each one a go. If one exam doesn’t go well at the start of the exam timetable, this doesn’t mean that all exams will go the same way. 

Offer reassurance to students who need it, explaining that there is the option for re-sits. 

If a student isn’t motivated to do exams, and does not appear to care about them, don’t tell them off or punish them. Recognise that everyone’s motivation and drive for exams will differ, and that it’s understandable that a grieving student can lose their motivation and can’t see the value in sitting exams when the worst thing has happened to them. 

Things for education staff to consider with the student

If the student is able to have additional time to complete their exams, speak to them about putting that in place for them. If the student might get distracted during the exam thinking about the person who has died and need time to re-focus on the exam, the additional time could help them a lot.

If the student is able to sit their exam in a different room or on their own, this may help them to feel less exposed and perhaps help them to concentrate.

Where needed and wanted by the student, offer adaptations to support the student. Ask them how they want to manage their grief in terms of their exams, open the conversation instead of ignoring it and expecting the typical exam to suit their individual needs.

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Talk Grief

Our new website youth-led website, Talk Grief provides grief support of young people (13-25), giving them access to on-demand services, articles, personal stories and video content – all aimed towards young people! It’s a fantastic tool that can give additional support to young people

How to support a teenager who is grieving

When a teenager experiences the death of someone close to them, their emotions and ability to cope can feel so much more difficult and intensified for the young person and those supporting them. We have some advice on how to talk to a teenager about a death.

The easter break can be a time for joy and celebration for many, but for those who are grieving the death of someone, it can be an especially challenging time. 

For some children and young people, school or college can serve as a distraction from their grief, so when the holidays come around, the change in routine can bring up thoughts and emotions that they may have been previously masking. If you are supporting a grieving child or young person, they may need extra care and understanding during this time. 

Here are some ways you can help to manage grief over the Easter break. 

Open communication

Encourage open and honest communication with the children and young people that you are supporting. Let them know that it’s okay to talk about their feelings and memories of the person that has died. It’s also important to let them know that it’s okay to feel however they want to feel during this time. 

Create ways to help them express their feelings

Supporting children and young people to express their emotions can be helpful. Sometimes they may not have the words to say but they can express how they feel in other ways, like painting, drawing or play.  

Other ways to help express how they feel, is through meaningful rituals. This could be anything from lighting a candle in honour of the person who has died to planting a flower in their memory. 

Acknowledge how they want to grieve

It’s important to respect and acknowledge how children and young people want to grieve over the Easter period. Some may want to take part in traditional celebrations, while others may prefer to spend quiet time alone or with family.  

However, they want to grieve is okay and they shouldn’t be forced to act in a way that isn’t in line with how they are feeling. 

Offer practical support

Offer practical support to help alleviate some of the stress that may come from any responsibilities that they may be facing whilst grieving. This could be things like household chores, preparing meals, or helping with homework or studies. 

Plan healthy distractions

Plan activities or outings that can serve as healthy distractions during the Easter break. Whether it’s going for a walk in nature, watching a movie, or participating in a creative project. Finding ways to engage their minds and bodies can be beneficial. 

Take care of yourself

Remember to also take care of yourself as well, especially if you are also grieving the death of the same person. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so make sure to prioritise your own self-care and seek support. We’re here to help. 

Seek professional help if needed

If the grieving child or young person is struggling to cope, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Winston’s Wish. Managing grief can be tricky. There isn’t a step-by-step process as emotions can be up one minute and down the next. But don’t worry, if you need support, we are available for you. 

The Easter break may be a difficult time for some grieving children and young people, but not for all. It’s important to check in to see if they need extra support but also ok to give them space if they do not. 

How to get grief support

Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.  

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our support workers are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.  

Our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for urgent support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258.  

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Talk Grief

Our new website youth-led website, Talk Grief provides grief support of young people (13-25), giving them access to on-demand services, articles, personal stories and video content – all aimed towards young people!

How to make an indoor memory garden

Remember your loved ones by creating an indoor memory garden that celebrates the life of those no longer with us. Focusing on celebrations can help children and young people who are grieving, experience the holidays in a positive light.

WEBINAR FULL

If you would like to keep up to date with more webinars like this, please email your contact details to communications@staging.winstonswish.org.

Join acclaimed Teacher, Author, and TES writer Kate Jones with special guests Winston’s Wish in this exclusive webinar exploring how to support bereaved pupils in the classroom.

It’s estimated that 1 in 29 children* have experienced the death of a parent or sibling, that’s at least one in every classroom, and in a recent survey of bereaved young people** nearly half (49%) said that the issue that worried them most was falling behind in school or education.

This free webinar will explore some of the practical strategies and compassionate approaches to create a supportive environment for bereaved children within your classroom. Led by Winston’s Wish, the UK’s first childhood bereavement charity, this session promises invaluable insights and access to resources to help you better understand and address the needs of grieving students.

If you work in an education setting and have received no formal bereavement training, this webinar is for you!

* Childhood Bereavement Network (2023)

** Winston’s Wish survey of 150 bereaved young people between the ages of 13 and 25 (2023)

This article has been written by freelance writer Sophie Bishop. Sophie aims to spread awareness through her writing around issues to do with healthcare, grief and wellbeing. www.sophiebishop.co.uk.

In a survey carried out by YouGov, it was found that around 18 million people across the UK were uncomfortable talking about bereavement. This isn’t a surprise – loss is a difficult topic and one that can bring up a lot of painful emotions for everyone involved. But, when a young person around you is struggling, it’s important you’re able to talk about and support them through their grief, making the experience a little easier. 

With that in mind, we’ve put together an easy-to-understand guide full of tips that’ll help you help others.  

How grief can affect behaviour

Whether you’re a parent or carer, professional, or friend, if you’re supporting a young person who’s recently lost a loved one, you first need to be empathetic to their grief. Everyone grieves differently and it can be difficult to fully understand someone else’s grief, but providing an open ear and a shoulder to cry on is always important.  

Bereavement can be a difficult experience, but when you’re young it can be harder to understand and/or control the emotions you’re feeling. This can lead to outbursts of anger or frustration, as well as mood swings and mood disorders. It’s important to understand that negative behaviour can be a result of the sadness and loss they feel and acting out is an attempt to deal with these emotions, not because they want to be difficult.  

Grief symptoms may return occasionally even after long periods. This will often happen around certain times of the year, such as the anniversary of the event or the person’s birthday. But for about 7-10% of people, painful emotions and sadness persist for over a year after the loss. This is “complicated grief.” 

You might see the young person revert back to childlike behaviour, too, as a coping mechanism. In other cases, they may try to take on the role of an adult, bottling up their emotions and attempting to take control instead. 

Dealing with harmful behaviour

It’s crucial to note that grief may lead to harmful behaviour. If the young person is showing signs of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or other concerning actions (like starting to drink alcohol, acting differently or taking drugs) it’s vital that professional help is on hand.  

Speak to your doctor if you notice the young person is physically harming themselves or expressing suicidal behaviour. For drug or alcohol abuse, it may be wise to consider professional help that can help tackle their potential addiction while working through their grief. Not everyone will require professional help but it’s vital to keep it as an option. 

If you see that the young person is acting out or behaving in a way that’s harmful to themselves, don’t ignore it because they’re grieving. Instead, talk to them. Let them know you’ve witnessed their behaviour and that it is not healthy.  

Don’t shout or tell them off, but make it clear you won’t let them behave in a way that’s harmful to themselves and that you love and/or care for them too much for that to happen. Make it clear that you’re acting out of compassion and care rather than anger for a constructive conversation. 

• Don’t judge 
• Don’t shout 
• Don’t push too hard 
• Make sure you speak with love 
• Listen to what they have to say 
• Remain understanding 

 

It’s also important that the young person has someone they can talk to. If you’re a parent/carer or friend, make them aware they can talk to you but that they don’t have to. Young people sometimes prefer to speak with someone who isn’t in their close family or friendship and reassure them that this is okay, as long as it’s someone they trust. Remember, too, that you can always direct them towards our support helpline for professional resources and bereavement support. 

Understand that grief doesn’t end

When supporting a grieving young person, it’s important to understand that you’re not working towards getting rid of the grief. Instead, you’re helping them to live with it. 

Think of grief like a big circle representing the amount of importance it holds in the young person’s life. At the moment, any other circles, like social life or interests, are going to be relatively small in comparison, meaning that they won’t seem as much of a priority or as important. Some young people may seek support from activities in their lives that they enjoy, and may find them helpful. 

As the young person works through their loss, the size of the grief circle is never going to disappear and might even remain the same size, but those other circles are going to grow around it. This is the process of them learning to live with the grief. 

As someone trying to support them, instead of focusing on removing their grief, focus instead on: 

• Acknowledging the loss and pain with them 
• Validating their emotions 
• Providing an empathetic ear they can talk to 
• Showing love and support so they know they’re not alone 
• Bringing comfort to their day-to-day lives 
• Taking control of tasks that are too difficult to deal with 
• Being there 

Make time to talk and listen

Learning how to listen to someone who is grieving is going to make you better equipped to provide support. Some tips for being a good listener include: 

• Be patient (don’t talk through pauses or finish their sentences) 
• Look at them when they’re talking even if they don’t look at you 
• Don’t interrupt 
• Get rid of distractions (e.g. put down your phone and turn off the TV) 
• Empathise, validate, and support 

 

Make time to talk, too. If a young person is grieving, don’t put a timer on the conversation or rush off when they’re finished. Prioritise them in that moment and know that washing the dishes or walking the dog can wait. 

Be there to help

Being there to help can make the young person who’s grieving feel cared for and supported while they’re struggling. It won’t take the grief away but it may make them feel less alone.  

As a parent, if there are tasks you can do to make their day easier, like putting their clothes away for them or making them lunch for school, do them. Take on or help them with tasks related to the bereavement, too, such as informing the school or friends of their loss.  

As a professional or friend, any help you can give, which can be as simple as making them a cup of tea, bringing them their favourite snack, or finding their jumper so they don’t have to get up, will show that you care.  

To summarise

Grief is something no one can fix. But, by being present for a bereaved loved one and knowing how to help with their emotions, you can make sure they’re supported at a time when they need it. 

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are available to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them. 

You can call the Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Winston’s Wish support workers are available to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support they can offer and what might be most suitable for you. 

The Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

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Talk Grief

Talk Grief is our new dedicated online space for grieving teenagers and young adults. They can talk to bereavement professionals, hear from other young grieving people, and share how they grieve: the good, the bad and the ugly.

What is grief? Young people share what grief is to them

Grief is different for everyone but experiencing grief for the first time as a child or young person can present even more challenges than experiencing grief as an adult. So we asked young people with experience of grief, what it means to them.

Winston’s Wish is excited to be launching Talk Grief – the Youth Led Grief Network, a dedicated online space for grieving teenagers and young adults to find support, help others and say it how it is – the good, the bad and the ugly.   

Powered by Winston’s Wish, this brand-new website is a dedicated space for bereaved young people to express and cope with grief as well as feel seen and know that their feelings are valid.  

This exciting project has been in the pipeline for many months, and we’re excited to be officially launching to the public on Monday 26th of February. 

Talk Grief features a wide range of advice and support articles crafted by the expert bereavement team here at Winston’s Wish as well as a wealth of content created by Winston’s Wish Youth Ambassadors. 

I lost my mam when I was 16 and I felt like there was nothing out there that I could relate to. I felt as if everything was aimed at people younger than me or people older than me and there was just this huge gap in the middle that I fell into. 

Winston’s Wish Youth Ambassador

Talk Grief has been crafted with the support of the Winston’s Wish Youth Forum, a dedicated group of young people with lived experience of bereavement who have advised us on their preference for website features, visuals and the type of content offered.  

Fergus Crow, CEO of Winston’s Wish commented, “We are thrilled to be releasing Talk Grief publicly and look forward to this new resource reaching young people across the UK to help them to know that they are not alone with their grief.  

“Following my own bereavement as a teenager, there was no such resource or support available to people in my position and I am pleased that we are moving forward to a future where no child, teenager or young adult has to cope with their storm of emotions without knowing that they have a community behind them. Talk Grief will be that space for countless young adults.  

“I am proud of our Youth Advisory Board for holding us accountable to our youth-led ethos and ensuring that the new Talk Grief website provides bereaved young people with the dedicated online space they need to help them to cope with their grief. I hope that as many bereaved young people as possible can be aware of this space created just for them.” 

Winston’s Wish hopes that this resource reaches as many bereaved young people as possible and would like to thank the Peter Sowerby Foundation for their kind financial support in the creation of Talk Grief.  

Check out our brand-new online space for bereaved teenagers and young adults (ages 13 to 25). Whatever grief looks or feels like, let’s talk about it. Visit TalkGrief.org today.

Christmas can be an incredibly difficult time when someone important has died and you are grieving. It doesn’t matter whether your special person died a few weeks, months or years ago, you and your family may find it difficult to cope with your grief at Christmas.

Ways to cope with grief at Christmas

1. Try and be sensitive to everyone’s needs as everyone in the family will have different ways of grieving
2. Give children (and yourself) permission to look forward to and enjoy Christmas, to smile and have fun
3. Also give yourself permission to not be okay
4. Make space to remember that someone is missing and it’s natural to miss them
5. Talk as a family about how you are all feeling about Christmas
6. Decide together what you would like to do to remember your important person (see our ideas below)
7. Make plans but also give yourself permission to change your mind
8. Be kind to yourself and if things become too much, find a way to take time out

Why is grief harder at Christmas?

While grief never fully goes away, there will be times when emotions are much more heightened than others, and when the sense of loss can feel greater. Christmas – the season which celebrates love and family time – is most certainly one of those times.

The festive season can trigger some really powerful feelings for everyone. Maybe anger and jealousy towards those who haven’t lost someone important to them, sadness because you miss that person or even feeling guilty that you are enjoying Christmas. However you are feeling is okay and you’re not alone.

There are also lots of potential ‘trigger points’ everywhere – from TV advertising to poignant pieces of music and personalised cards. It’s no wonder that you may struggle to cope with your grief at Christmas.

Grieving in Winter – Advice

Ways to remember someone at Christmas

1. Some families like to continue old family traditions, whereas others choose to create a new family tradition e.g. baking a special Christmas cake together.
2. You could mark the memory of the person that has died by doing something special. This could be visiting a special place, lighting a candle, or buying a new special decoration for the tree.
3. You might want to visit the grave or the place where the ashes were scattered and place a Christmas card there.
4. You could ask friends and family to write special messages to your loved one on star-shaped cut-outs and hang these up on ribbon around the home or on a tree.
5. Ask other people for their memories of the person who died and begin to compile their ‘life story’. If family members are together at Christmas, it would be a good opportunity to record these. You could include Christmas memories, for example: ‘What was the worst or best present they ever gave you?’ ‘What was their favourite part of the day?’
6. You could choose to eat their favourite meal – fish and chips? Curry? Egg on toast?
7. Listen to their favourite music, or their favourite Christmas music.
8. Make and bake salt dough shapes to hang on the tree. You could decorate them with things important to the person who died.
9. On Christmas Day itself, remember to look after yourself, if things become a bit too much, you could always find a way to take a breather. Give yourself permission to not be ok and, equally, to have fun and smile.

What to do at Christmas when you’re grieving?

No two people will experience grief in the same way so you may also find that different members of the family will want to do different things. Some may want to keep the same Christmas traditions you had before that person died, while others will want to do something completely different or start a new tradition. Some may want to do something to remember the person who has died while others may prefer not to.

Talk together as a family and see if you can make a plan that will be sensitive to everyone’s wishes. Include children and young people in these discussions, don’t assume you know what they want to do but instead ask them. Give yourself and your children permission to do what you want to do for Christmas.

Let everyone know that it’s okay to change your mind. You might find that actually doing the same Christmas traditions is more painful than you expected. It’s okay to change your plans or take a bit of time out if you need to.

At the same time, give yourself and young children permission to laugh and have fun at Christmas. It doesn’t mean you have forgotten the person who has died or aren’t grieving for them.

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are here to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our practitioners are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

Activities for bereaved children

Download our activities to help grieving children and young people to explore and express their feelings and emotions and to help them maintain memories of the person who has died.

Information and advice

Advice and resources to support bereaved children and young people, including specialist guidance on bereavement through suicide, homicide and serious illness.

When a parent, sibling or someone important dies, memories become even more important to children as a way of continuing the bond between them and this person. Finding ways to help grieving children and young people to remember someone who has died and finding ways of handling difficult memories can make a huge difference to how children grieve.

Children and young people who were old enough to have memories of the person who died can often worry that they will forget them – their voice, their smile, their smell. So helping them to maintain those memories can help them with their grief.

Other children may have been too young when the person died to have many memories. This can make them feel distanced from the person who should feel so close. For them, telling stories and sharing your memories of that person can help them as they grow up.

Sometimes, children will have had a challenging or very distant relationship with the person who died. Talking about positive memories, while also acknowledging difficult ones, can help a child gain perspective on the person and find a way to grieve.

Ways to cope with anniversaries, birthdays and special days when you have been bereaved

Do children grieve differently?

Helping a child to remember someone who died

For those who were old enough to have memories of the person who died, it can be important to refresh them. This could be through activities such as sharing photographs of past events or creating a collection of special things connected with person. Refreshing memories is a little like re-saving a computer file: the memory is kept vivid and strong. Here are some ideas:

1. Putting together a memory box

A memory box is a place to keep all kinds of things that remind children and young people of the person who has died. This can include jewellery or a watch, cards or items of clothing like a tie or scarf. You could include tickets from places visited together (a film, a museum, a football match), copies of their favourite music, perfume or aftershave associated with the person who has died. Click here to download our step-by-step guide to creating a memory box.

2. Having a special day or part of a day in memory of the person who has died

It can help to have a dedicated time to remember the person who has died when you do things that remind you of them. This can include going to a place you associate with them and taking their favourite sandwiches (and yours!) and cake. You could listen to a favourite album or track or watch their favourite film. Or you could wear their favourite colour and have their favourite takeaway.

3. Creating a jar of memories

This can be a big jar in which people slip post-it notes with memories of the person who died whenever they like. Anyone who wants to remember can pull one out at random.

4. Planting bulbs for spring

Children can write memories on little pieces of paper that can be placed in the soil and spring bulbs planted. Their flowering recalls the memories.

How to use a memory box with bereaved children and young people

How to help children understand grief

Helping a child who has no memories of the person who has died

Some children may have been too young when the person died to have many memories. For them, stories are a way to remember someone who has died. Looking back on our own childhoods, it can be hard to know whether something is a memory or a story. Being told stories is a way of creating and maintaining the precious link between the child and their important person. Here are some ideas:

1. Creating a ‘quiz’ about the person

Create a list of questions to give to the child and they have to find out the answers from family members and friends. Questions could be: What was the naughtiest thing they did at school? What was their favourite band when they were 17? Did they have their own room when they grew up? What was it like? Did they ever play in a band or a sports team? Download our free Life Quiz activity sheet to get started.

2. Creating a box of stories

Friends and family members write the starting lines of stories on postcards and these are stored in a box for children to ‘claim’ when they are older. This is easier for people than writing out long reminiscences and it’s even better for children to hear a story being told. Starts for stories could be along the lines of: The time we got stock on the school roof… The time we went to the gig on the wrong day… The time they told me that they were going to have a baby…

3. Drawing up a timeline

Plotting events in the person’s life along a ‘river’ of memories can help a child gain a sense of the person. Putting together some dates (for example, the person’s birthday, the year they went to school and left school, wedding days, the child’s own birthday etc) can give a child a precious sense of how this person’s life was interwoven with their own.

How to get specialist bereavement support

Our team can offer more advice, information, resources and support for grieving children or young people. We can also help parent, carers, family members and professionals to support a grieving child. You can call us on 08088 020 021 or email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org. We’re available 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday.

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

Other resources you might find helpful

Information and advice

Advice and resources to support children and young people, including on bereavement by suicide, homicide and serious illness.

Activities for bereaved children

Download our activities to help grieving children and young people to explore and express their feelings and emotions and to help them maintain memories of the person who has died.

From the often talked about ‘five stages of grief’ to the idea that grieving people should be crying all the time, there are many common myths about grief. The Winston’s Wish team look at the truth behind these myths and reveal 12 things you should know about grief.

1. There aren’t just five stages of grief

There are lots of different ‘models of grief’ that clever people have come up with to neatly package grief into boxes. One that is often talked about suggests first you’ll feel this, then you’ll feel like that and once you’ve gone through all five stages, it’ll be over.

One thing we know at Winston’s Wish is that grief just isn’t like that. Its messy is disordered, it can jump from one emotion to another and back. And that’s all ok. It’s really normal. Grief doesn’t nicely fit into a box. We prefer the ‘growing around grief’ model to help children to understand grief.

2. Grief isn’t something you ‘get over’

Grief is not an obstacle course that you just need to complete and then that’s it. It’s not something that has a middle and end. It’s not something that you can tick off on a to-do list and never revisit. For some people, grief can be triggered at different points in their lives. It’s an ongoing experience. Support from people like Winston’s Wish isn’t there to make it all better and send you on your merry way. Our role is to accompany you for a while, pointing out some obstacles, the scenery and teaching you some new skills so that when it comes back you can recognise it and cope or seek some more support.

3. Getting help doesn’t mean you’re unwell or weak

We’ve heard so many times in the past 26 years of children, young people and adults who are worried about getting the help they deserve. Getting help is about acknowledging that a massive life-changing experience has occurred. Bereavement isn’t an illness. Grief is not something to be solved or fixed. It is part of what makes us human.

How to help children understand grief

Do children grieve differently to adults?

What is grief? Young people share what grief is to them

4. Sudden bursts of emotion are normal when you’re grieving

Some people worry that if you experience sudden emotions then there is something wrong. Quite the contrary. At Winston’s Wish, we sometimes talk about grief being like being out at sea following a shipwreck. The waves all crashing around you. Emotion, after emotion. It can feel very overwhelming.

Go with it. One thing we know is that expressing those sudden bursts of emotion is a good thing to do. Maybe have a plan of what you’ll do if you suddenly cry, feel angry or anxious. Having a plan, even if you don’t follow it can make the emotions feel more manageable.

5. It’s ok not to cry

Crying is a normal response to sadness but it certainly isn’t the only one. If you cry, that’s ok. If you don’t cry, that’s ok. Some young people we work with tell us that they worry about not crying. We know at Winston’s Wish that the sadness and grief can be felt just as deeply and powerfully whether you cry or you don’t.

6. Laughing and having fun is ok

When we see grief on the television, we see lots of people being sad, angry, crying or withdrawn. But laughter and fun are grief too. When we remember someone we might laugh at the silly things they said or did. We might reminisce together about all the good things. This is part of grief too.

7. You won’t go back to your old self

This one sounds obvious but it’s essential to acknowledge that something really big and really important has happened to you. While grieving you’ll learn new skills and things about yourself. Also, you have experienced something challenging and maybe different to your friends. We talk about finding a new normal and this is the same with who you are. You’ll find a ‘new normal’ you. It might be more confident, or anxious or inquisitive or anything else. But one thing is for sure, you won’t be the same as you were before.

Ways to cope with anniversaries, birthdays and special days when you are bereaved

How can nature help children to cope with their grief?

8. You can still experience grief even if you didn’t like or had a strained relationship with the person who has died

We meet with many children, young people and adults who had strained relationships with the person who has died. It may feel like a relief that they’ve died and this can, in turn, make things feel a bit more complicated. Also, you may have wanted to repair the relationship or regret having said or done something. Most importantly though is that your grief is completely valid and legitimate.

9. Telling people about yourself can need a bit of thought

“So how many brothers and sisters do you have?” “How often do you see your dad?” “How many children do you have?”

These are really normal questions to ask when trying to be polite. These innocuous questions for someone for whom someone important has died can be so complicated. Do you say you say I have two sisters and risk they’ll ask more and you’ll have to explain one has died? Do you say one and feel like you’re pretending they don’t exist? There’s no right or wrong answer to how you respond, but it does take some forethought.

10. It’s impossible to replace someone who has died

When someone important to you dies it isn’t like when your favourite mug breaks and you just get a new one. Nothing will ever replace the person who has died. You might get a new stepparent or new sibling but they will never be the important person who has died. It is also important to realise that remembering the person who has died doesn’t belittle or dismiss the new people in your life, but honors who they were and acknowledges how important they are to you.

11. Grief can be a physical pain

We understand that the death of someone important causes emotional distress but it’s not always known that grief can cause physical distress too. The young people we work with tell us that they sometimes have general aches and pains, sickness or digestive problems. Grief affects your whole body, emotionally and physically.

12. Well-meaning people can say ridiculous things

People say the stupidest things when they’re nervous. Even though people dying happens every day, as a society we aren’t very good at talking about or acknowledging death. In other cultures, rituals around death help this but in Britain, we don’t really have any but we try. And that needs to be given credit for.

Where to get specialist support

If you need advice on supporting a bereaved child or young person, you can call the experienced Winston’s Wish team on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, weekdays), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (8am-8pm, weekdays).

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

Other resources you might find helpful

Publications and resources

Our specialist publications to help parents and professionals supporting grieving children and young people of all ages and circumstances.

Activities for bereaved children

Download our activities to help grieving children and young people to explore and express their feelings and emotions and to help them maintain memories of the person who has died.