Children may find it difficult to talk about their grief, so we suggest doing a ‘make and talk’ activity to keep them occupied while having a conversation. Bonfire night is a very exciting time for children – fireworks, rockets, sparklers! Everything is brightly coloured and there are lots of activities to get involved with.

This Straw Rocket activity is a simple arts and crafts project that may help your child to have something else to be looking at and creating, while you address some questions or their feelings about grief and their special person.

How our Bonfire Night activity can help you talk to a grieving child

A large part of this activity for the child is colouring in, so you could start a conversation off by asking which colours they would like to use. You could associate some colours with emotions, e.g. yellow for happy, blue for sad, and ask them when they’ve felt those emotions and why.

You might feel comfortable to talk about emotions changing and ‘ups and downs’ when you’re creating your rockets. What goes up must come down! It could be a good opportunity to explain to the child that it’s okay to have days when you don’t feel so good, but equally okay to have good days and still have fun. Reassure them that if they’re feeling down or their emotions are really big, they can talk to you about them and you’re there to listen.

If the child does start to share their feelings and wants to talk to you about their grief, pause the activity if they want to and reassure them that you’re listening to them by keeping eye contact and being aware of your facial expressions and body language. Children might choose the most unpredictable times to open up to you, it might be that an activity works for them but equally they may not be interested in talking to you while they’re colouring.

It can be difficult to be prepared for their questions and answers when children are talking about grief and big emotions. If you don’t know the answer or how to respond, be honest with them and say that you’ll think about it and come back to that later. It’s important to ensure that you do come back to them when you have had time to think of an answer, so that the child trusts that they can come to you with their questions and will get an answer when they can.

Winston’s Wish can help you with those tricky questions. You can call us 08088 020 021 (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat.

Information and advice on supporting grieving children

What do children and young people understand about death?

Understanding how children grieve

Make a straw rocket for Bonfire Night

You will need:

• A straw (of any material)
• Coloured pencils
• Paper
• Scissors
• Glue or tape

 

How to make a Bonfire Night straw rocket

1. Firstly, take your sheet of paper and draw out a rocket shape and ask the child to decorate it however they like.

2. While they’re decorating the front of the rocket, you could start by asking them about how they’re feeling and talk about their special person to see how they react.

3. Cut a strip from the piece of paper wide enough to wrap around your straw a couple of times.

4. Cut your rocket out. Now you have your strip and a rocket.

5. Roll the strip of paper lengthways around the straw (not too tight so that the straw can slide in and out easily).

6. Fasten the roll together with tape leaving about a third without tape.

7. Flatten the untapped end and roll it down, securing it in place with tape.

8. With the open end to the bottom tape the tube to the back of the rocket. Then take your straw and place it in the tube part of the rocket.

10. Ask your child to blow through the straw and watch their rocket take off! If you make more than one, you could play a game to see whose rocket can reach the furthest!

If you’d like to, take a photo and tag us on social media – we’d love to see your rockets! 

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Make and talk activity: Spooky spider web

Use our free make and talk activity to make a spooky spider web for Halloween while talking to children about their fears and emotions.

Talking to children about their grief can be difficult and you might feel like you can’t choose a ‘good’ time. Maybe there isn’t a good time to talk about grief, sometimes they might ask you questions at awkward times or not want to address the topic at all. One of our suggestions for trying to talk to the child about their grief is to be carrying out an activity at the same time as bringing up their emotions.

This activity is a simple arts and crafts project to help you decorate for the Halloween season… or any time of the year if you’re fans of spider webs!

How our Halloween activity can help you talk to a grieving child

You can start the activity as you would at any other time, then try to begin a conversation about fears and emotions. Children often become fearful of lots of different things during their developmental years, and for a grieving child it is normal to develop a fear of death. Spiders can be a common fear, so this activity may be a time when talking about fears doesn’t feel so out of the blue.

You could then lead into a conversation by asking “what else are you scared of?” to try to discuss their feelings of fear. If it feels okay to do so, you might ask, “when you think about [your special person], what emotions do you feel?”.

It can be difficult to be prepared for their questions and answers when children are talking about grief and big emotions. If you don’t know the answer or how to respond, be honest with them and say that you’ll think about it and come back to that later. It is important to ensure that you do come back to them when you have had time to think of an answer, so that the child trusts that they can come to you with their questions and will get an answer when they can.

For advice on how to start this conversation with the child, you might find it helpful to visit the links below or talk to one of our practitioners by calling 08088 020 021 (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), emailing ask@staging.winstonswish.org or using our live chat.

Information and advice on supporting grieving children

What do children and young people understand about death?

Understanding how children grieve

Make a spooky paper spider web

You will need:

• Paper
• Scissors
• String or thread

 

How to make a spooky spider web

1. Start with a sheet of A4/printer size (or bigger) paper and lay it flat on a surface

2. Fold the top right corner diagonally across the paper to align the edges together (the corners won’t meet but the folder section should create a perfect triangle)

3. Trim off the excess paper at the bottom below the triangle shape

4. Fold the triangle in half again to create a smaller triangle

5. Fold again to create another smaller triangle

6. And then fold one more time to make a cone shape

7. Ask an adult or use safety scissors to trim off the excess paper. You should end up with a triangle that has two very long sides and one short side

8. On the short side, ask an adult or use safety scissors to cut a curve or an arc from edge to edge

9. Cut out think rectangles across the triangle – these rectangles will create the lines of the web! Make sure to only cut from one of the long edges and don’t cut all the way across

10. Gently unfold your triangles to reveal your spider web!

11. Feed some string (to hang the web) through one of the holes on the outer edge of the web and loop it back to tie a knot. Don’t pull too tight as it might rip the paper

If you’d like to add a paper spider to your web, you can follow these instructions:

You will need:

• Black paper (or paper you’ve coloured in)
• Scissors
• Glue
• Googly eyes if you have them

 

How to make a paper spider:

1. Using black paper or paper you’ve coloured in, cut out one small circle and one larger oval shape – these will be the head and body of your spider!

2. Cut four long think rectangles. They should be much longer than the oval body – these will be your legs!

3. Glue the circle onto the top edge of the oval shape

4. Take your four long thin rectangles and glue them across the oval shape so they hang off each side of the spider’s body

5. Make a fold by bending halfway along the thin rectangles to make the shape of spider legs

6. Then fold or crease the parts of the legs that are closest to the body to make sure your spider can stand up!

7. If you have googly eyes, you can stick them onto the head. If not, you could draw them on or cut out small white circles and glue them on

8. To attach the spider to the web, feed the legs through some of the holes on the web

9. Hang it up and you’ve got yourself a spooky spider web

If you’d like to, take a photo and tag us on social media – we’d love to see your Halloween spider web decorations! 

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Information and advice

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A miscarriage, stillbirth or loss of a baby shortly after birth is a devastating bereavement for the whole family. Having to explain the death of an expected baby brother, sister or cousin to a child or young person is an incredibly hard thing to do and can feel impossible when you are grieving too. There is no one right way to talk to a child about the death of a baby, but here is our guidance on supporting children and young people after a baby dies.

You know your child best

There is no rule book on how to tell a child or young person that a baby sibling has died. What you say will depend on the child’s age, their ability to understand and the questions they ask. You know your child and their level of understanding best. This is our guidance on how to talk to children about the loss of a baby, but you’ll know the best way to approach this difficult conversation with your own child.

Be open and honest

Children have a much greater capacity to deal with the truth that most adults realise. They also know when something isn’t right, and they can pick up on these things easily. Even if they didn’t know about the pregnancy, they will be aware that something is not right and that you are behaving differently.

If they aren’t told what is happening, children will often imagine their own version or piece together bits of information which can often be more worrying and upsetting than the truth.

Being open and honest about what has happened can stop any confusion and let your child know they can trust you.

What do children and young people understand about death?

Telling a child someone has died

Use clear and simple language

As children get older their understanding of the concept of death develops, but very young children may have very little or no understanding of what death really means. Using clear simple language, such as ‘died’ can feel blunt, but this is less confusing for children. Phrases like ‘gone to sleep’ can be taken literally and be confusing for a child – why don’t we just wake them up? – or worrying – if I go to sleep will I not wake up? Choosing the right language can prevent future worry for a child.

A simple way to explain that a baby has died is that their heart stopped beating and they stopped breathing, which means they are not alive any more.

Reassure them it isn’t their fault

The idea of a new baby can cause anxiety for a child. They may have developed feelings of jealousy or worry about the arrival of a baby brother or sister. This could cause children to believe that their thoughts have caused the death of their sibling. Reassure them that nothing they said or thought caused the loss of the baby and it wasn’t their fault.

They may also need more love and affirmation than normal to remind them that they’re loved as a child and the family’s sadness is no reflection on their love for them.

Answer their questions

Children like to ask questions. You may find that they ask the same thing a few times as they build up their understanding of what death means. Answering their questions honestly and letting them know it’s okay to ask will help them process their feelings.

Their questions may upset you and that’s perfectly understandable. Don’t try and hide your feelings but let them know you are sad and that’s okay. Reassuring your child that you want to answer their questions, even though you’re sad may help them to explore their emotions too.

Do children grieve differently to adults?

Alternative ways to say goodbye

Help them to express their feelings

Exploring feelings together with children can help them to understand that it’s okay to cry and be upset or angry. This will help them continue to express their emotions without hiding it away.

You may find that younger children switch between feelings very quickly, for example being sad one minute to wanting to play the next. This is perfectly normal. We describe this as ‘puddle jumping’.

Finding creative ways to help children express their emotions can be helpful. Activities like drawing, painting, gardening or play can allow them to release some of their feelings without the need for words.

Teenagers may feel that they should be strong for their parents and may suppress or ignore their own feelings so as not to cause additional pain and distress. They may also feel that they ought to take over some of their parents’ responsibilities. It’s important to try to reassure them that you don’t expect them to look after you. They need to know they don’t have to be strong for you.

Try and keep a routine

During these difficult times it can help a child if you maintain a level of routine in their lives. It could be keeping a consistent bedtime or what they have for breakfast. Continuing a sense of ‘normality’ creates a safe and certain environment in a time with a lot of change.

Involve them in any goodbye rituals

You may decide to have a funeral, memorial service or find an alternative way to say goodbye to your baby. In the same way it can help adults to say goodbye, it can also help children and young people so ask them if they want to be involved. Some may not want to but they will want to have the choice.

Together, you could create a memory box for your baby and include toys, clothing or photos you may have. You could ask your child if they want to draw a picture or write something to put in the memory box. Or maybe you could plant a flower or tree in their memory.

Support for young people after the loss of a baby

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of baby sibling, Winston’s Wish are here to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for grieving children, young people (up to 25) and adults supporting them. Please call our Freephone Helpline team on 08088 020 021 or email ask@staging.winstonswish.org. We can provide advice, support and resources.

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

If you’d like support for yourself following a stillborn birth or neonatal death, Sands are there to help you. You can call their Helpline on 0207 436 5881 or visit their website sands.org.uk

If you’d like support for yourself following a miscarriage, The Miscarriage Association are there to support you. Visit their website miscarriageassociation.org.uk

You may also like

Activities for grieving children

Download our free activities to help grieving children express their feelings and remember someone who has died.

Information and advice

Advice and resources to support children and young people, including on bereavement by suicide, homicide and serious illness.