WEBINAR FULL

If you would like to keep up to date with more webinars like this, please email your contact details to communications@staging.winstonswish.org.

Acclaimed Teacher, Author, and TES writer Kate Jones is teaming up with Winston’s Wish to deliver an exclusive webinar exploring how to support bereaved pupils in the classroom.

When: Wednesday 13th November (4pm to 5pm)

Where: Online via Zoom

Price: FREE

It’s estimated that 1 in 29 children* have experienced the death of a parent or sibling, that’s at least one in every classroom, and in a recent survey of bereaved young people** nearly half (49%) said that the issue that worried them most was falling behind in school or education.

If you work in an education setting and have received no formal bereavement training, this webinar is for you!

In this free webinar, Kate, alongside a Winston’s Wish Bereavement Support Worker, will explore ways in which you can create a supportive environment for bereaved children within your classroom.

Together, we will provide practical strategies and compassionate approaches to give you the skills and confidence to help bereaved children and young people.

This session promises invaluable insights and access to resources to help you better understand and address the needs of grieving students.

* Childhood Bereavement Network (2023)

** Winston’s Wish survey of 150 bereaved young people between the ages of 13 and 25 (2023)

Written by Winston’s Wish supporter, Nick

It was nearly 47 years ago, as a 19-year-old, when my life was turned upside down.

At around 4 am, a knock on my door, and two oversized policemen squeezed into my room. After suggesting I sit down, they told me, without much further softening of what was to come, that my parents had died in a car crash.

Grief is a difficult term to understand, it covers so much: denial, shock, loss, loneliness, anger, and managing other peoples’ reactions.

When I was told this at 4 am, I think I just glazed over; of course, you don’t believe it, this can’t really be happening? So, my immediate reaction may have been one of blankness, which the police interpreted as that I was taking it very well, so they left.

As I look back, it’s hard not to feel anger at having to blunder, over decades, through these stages. It is wonderful that organisations like Winston’s Wish are there now to help and support young people through parental loss and grief.

I was at university at the time and received no support, and my method of getting through all this was strongly, and badly, affected by having to manage other people’s expectations. In the 1970s, this was very much a time when you were expected not to show emotion, bottle things up, and ‘carry on’.

As I made my way home, alone, later that day, there was a newspaper billboard outside the rail station. It said, ‘Leeds couple dead in A61 crash.’ 

I remember distinctly thinking, are they talking about my mum and dad? It was only when I returned home and saw my elder brother and sister there with their partners and children, that the loss hit me.

Straight after the funeral, the first signs of having to deal with other peoples’ reactions became evident, when an uncle said I should call him if there was anything I needed and handed me his business card! Needless to say, I never spoke to him again.

The future weeks, months and years to come…

After two weeks I returned to university. Although I would have wanted someone to talk to, the reaction of other people became something that I had to learn to manage. At the time the way to do that seemed to try to block out my parent’s death. That worked during the day, but not at night when trying to sleep.

If I could speak to them now, I would tell them that I miss them, but that things worked out OK.

Initially, I could see people’s embarrassment when they first met me on return, as, understandably, they didn’t know how to deal with me. It became clear very quickly that if I was asked how I was, a simple “OK” was preferred to any attempt to say how I felt.

Over the next 15 – 20 years or so, if the conversation seemed to be moving on to general parent chat (where they lived, what did they do, etc.) I soon realised that if I couldn’t subtly change the subject, I would find an excuse to leave the group, at least for a few minutes for the conversation to move on.

My siblings lived quite some way away and had families of their own, so were distracted and busy with their lives. During university holidays, I always tried to hang around for as long as I could, trying to deflect questions about why I didn’t go home. All I wanted to say, but couldn’t, was that I didn’t have one.

Alongside this was the absolute fear of losing anyone close to me. If there was a knock at the door or a phone call, any later than, say 10 pm, I would just freeze, and my heart rate would surge fearing the worst. It also meant that I resisted ever getting too emotionally close to girlfriends. On a few occasions when this happened, it would hit me like a bullet that I had crossed this line, I typically would just cry myself to sleep at night fearing that there was now someone else I couldn’t bear losing.

As time has gone on, I look back now with feelings of sadness, sometimes anger, that I missed out on knowing my parents as an adult and understanding them much more.

I’m happily married with a family, retired having had a successful career, but there is always that part that wonders what would be different if I had received the right support.

In those days following the funeral, I simply had to get on with life, largely on my own, and there wasn’t any organisation like Winston’s Wish around when I needed them.

I now support Winston’s Wish with a monthly donation so that no child or young person in that situation has to face their grief alone and ‘just get on with life.’

How to get grief support

Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.  

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our support workers are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.  

Our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for urgent support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258.  

Make a donation today

By giving regularly like Nick, you’ll be helping more children and young people have access to support through their grief.

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WEBINAR FULL

If you would like to keep up to date with more webinars like this, please email your contact details to communications@staging.winstonswish.org.

Join acclaimed Teacher, Author, and TES writer Kate Jones with special guests Winston’s Wish in this exclusive webinar exploring how to support bereaved pupils in the classroom.

It’s estimated that 1 in 29 children* have experienced the death of a parent or sibling, that’s at least one in every classroom, and in a recent survey of bereaved young people** nearly half (49%) said that the issue that worried them most was falling behind in school or education.

This free webinar will explore some of the practical strategies and compassionate approaches to create a supportive environment for bereaved children within your classroom. Led by Winston’s Wish, the UK’s first childhood bereavement charity, this session promises invaluable insights and access to resources to help you better understand and address the needs of grieving students.

If you work in an education setting and have received no formal bereavement training, this webinar is for you!

* Childhood Bereavement Network (2023)

** Winston’s Wish survey of 150 bereaved young people between the ages of 13 and 25 (2023)

This article has been written by freelance writer Sophie Bishop. Sophie aims to spread awareness through her writing around issues to do with healthcare, grief and wellbeing. www.sophiebishop.co.uk.

In a survey carried out by YouGov, it was found that around 18 million people across the UK were uncomfortable talking about bereavement. This isn’t a surprise – loss is a difficult topic and one that can bring up a lot of painful emotions for everyone involved. But, when a young person around you is struggling, it’s important you’re able to talk about and support them through their grief, making the experience a little easier. 

With that in mind, we’ve put together an easy-to-understand guide full of tips that’ll help you help others.  

How grief can affect behaviour

Whether you’re a parent or carer, professional, or friend, if you’re supporting a young person who’s recently lost a loved one, you first need to be empathetic to their grief. Everyone grieves differently and it can be difficult to fully understand someone else’s grief, but providing an open ear and a shoulder to cry on is always important.  

Bereavement can be a difficult experience, but when you’re young it can be harder to understand and/or control the emotions you’re feeling. This can lead to outbursts of anger or frustration, as well as mood swings and mood disorders. It’s important to understand that negative behaviour can be a result of the sadness and loss they feel and acting out is an attempt to deal with these emotions, not because they want to be difficult.  

Grief symptoms may return occasionally even after long periods. This will often happen around certain times of the year, such as the anniversary of the event or the person’s birthday. But for about 7-10% of people, painful emotions and sadness persist for over a year after the loss. This is “complicated grief.” 

You might see the young person revert back to childlike behaviour, too, as a coping mechanism. In other cases, they may try to take on the role of an adult, bottling up their emotions and attempting to take control instead. 

Dealing with harmful behaviour

It’s crucial to note that grief may lead to harmful behaviour. If the young person is showing signs of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or other concerning actions (like starting to drink alcohol, acting differently or taking drugs) it’s vital that professional help is on hand.  

Speak to your doctor if you notice the young person is physically harming themselves or expressing suicidal behaviour. For drug or alcohol abuse, it may be wise to consider professional help that can help tackle their potential addiction while working through their grief. Not everyone will require professional help but it’s vital to keep it as an option. 

If you see that the young person is acting out or behaving in a way that’s harmful to themselves, don’t ignore it because they’re grieving. Instead, talk to them. Let them know you’ve witnessed their behaviour and that it is not healthy.  

Don’t shout or tell them off, but make it clear you won’t let them behave in a way that’s harmful to themselves and that you love and/or care for them too much for that to happen. Make it clear that you’re acting out of compassion and care rather than anger for a constructive conversation. 

• Don’t judge 
• Don’t shout 
• Don’t push too hard 
• Make sure you speak with love 
• Listen to what they have to say 
• Remain understanding 

 

It’s also important that the young person has someone they can talk to. If you’re a parent/carer or friend, make them aware they can talk to you but that they don’t have to. Young people sometimes prefer to speak with someone who isn’t in their close family or friendship and reassure them that this is okay, as long as it’s someone they trust. Remember, too, that you can always direct them towards our support helpline for professional resources and bereavement support. 

Understand that grief doesn’t end

When supporting a grieving young person, it’s important to understand that you’re not working towards getting rid of the grief. Instead, you’re helping them to live with it. 

Think of grief like a big circle representing the amount of importance it holds in the young person’s life. At the moment, any other circles, like social life or interests, are going to be relatively small in comparison, meaning that they won’t seem as much of a priority or as important. Some young people may seek support from activities in their lives that they enjoy, and may find them helpful. 

As the young person works through their loss, the size of the grief circle is never going to disappear and might even remain the same size, but those other circles are going to grow around it. This is the process of them learning to live with the grief. 

As someone trying to support them, instead of focusing on removing their grief, focus instead on: 

• Acknowledging the loss and pain with them 
• Validating their emotions 
• Providing an empathetic ear they can talk to 
• Showing love and support so they know they’re not alone 
• Bringing comfort to their day-to-day lives 
• Taking control of tasks that are too difficult to deal with 
• Being there 

Make time to talk and listen

Learning how to listen to someone who is grieving is going to make you better equipped to provide support. Some tips for being a good listener include: 

• Be patient (don’t talk through pauses or finish their sentences) 
• Look at them when they’re talking even if they don’t look at you 
• Don’t interrupt 
• Get rid of distractions (e.g. put down your phone and turn off the TV) 
• Empathise, validate, and support 

 

Make time to talk, too. If a young person is grieving, don’t put a timer on the conversation or rush off when they’re finished. Prioritise them in that moment and know that washing the dishes or walking the dog can wait. 

Be there to help

Being there to help can make the young person who’s grieving feel cared for and supported while they’re struggling. It won’t take the grief away but it may make them feel less alone.  

As a parent, if there are tasks you can do to make their day easier, like putting their clothes away for them or making them lunch for school, do them. Take on or help them with tasks related to the bereavement, too, such as informing the school or friends of their loss.  

As a professional or friend, any help you can give, which can be as simple as making them a cup of tea, bringing them their favourite snack, or finding their jumper so they don’t have to get up, will show that you care.  

To summarise

Grief is something no one can fix. But, by being present for a bereaved loved one and knowing how to help with their emotions, you can make sure they’re supported at a time when they need it. 

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are available to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them. 

You can call the Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Winston’s Wish support workers are available to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support they can offer and what might be most suitable for you. 

The Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

You might also like

Talk Grief

Talk Grief is our new dedicated online space for grieving teenagers and young adults. They can talk to bereavement professionals, hear from other young grieving people, and share how they grieve: the good, the bad and the ugly.

What is grief? Young people share what grief is to them

Grief is different for everyone but experiencing grief for the first time as a child or young person can present even more challenges than experiencing grief as an adult. So we asked young people with experience of grief, what it means to them.

Winston’s Wish is excited to be launching Talk Grief – the Youth Led Grief Network, a dedicated online space for grieving teenagers and young adults to find support, help others and say it how it is – the good, the bad and the ugly.   

Powered by Winston’s Wish, this brand-new website is a dedicated space for bereaved young people to express and cope with grief as well as feel seen and know that their feelings are valid.  

This exciting project has been in the pipeline for many months, and we’re excited to be officially launching to the public on Monday 26th of February. 

Talk Grief features a wide range of advice and support articles crafted by the expert bereavement team here at Winston’s Wish as well as a wealth of content created by Winston’s Wish Youth Ambassadors. 

I lost my mam when I was 16 and I felt like there was nothing out there that I could relate to. I felt as if everything was aimed at people younger than me or people older than me and there was just this huge gap in the middle that I fell into. 

Winston’s Wish Youth Ambassador

Talk Grief has been crafted with the support of the Winston’s Wish Youth Forum, a dedicated group of young people with lived experience of bereavement who have advised us on their preference for website features, visuals and the type of content offered.  

Fergus Crow, CEO of Winston’s Wish commented, “We are thrilled to be releasing Talk Grief publicly and look forward to this new resource reaching young people across the UK to help them to know that they are not alone with their grief.  

“Following my own bereavement as a teenager, there was no such resource or support available to people in my position and I am pleased that we are moving forward to a future where no child, teenager or young adult has to cope with their storm of emotions without knowing that they have a community behind them. Talk Grief will be that space for countless young adults.  

“I am proud of our Youth Advisory Board for holding us accountable to our youth-led ethos and ensuring that the new Talk Grief website provides bereaved young people with the dedicated online space they need to help them to cope with their grief. I hope that as many bereaved young people as possible can be aware of this space created just for them.” 

Winston’s Wish hopes that this resource reaches as many bereaved young people as possible and would like to thank the Peter Sowerby Foundation for their kind financial support in the creation of Talk Grief.  

Check out our brand-new online space for bereaved teenagers and young adults (ages 13 to 25). Whatever grief looks or feels like, let’s talk about it. Visit TalkGrief.org today.

Often, people will talk about the ‘different stages of grief’, suggesting that everyone’s grief follows the same path through the stages of grief and that their grief will get smaller over time. We know from our experience that it’s not that simple and we prefer to look at it another way, the idea of ‘growing around grief’.

Growing around grief

You’ll have heard people say something like ‘time heals’, suggesting that grief gets smaller. However, bereaved people’s experiences suggest that, actually, grief doesn’t go way, it doesn’t even grow smaller – we grow larger around it.

This way of looking at grieving was developed by Lois Tonkin.

To begin with, grief feels as if it takes up everything and there’s no room inside us for anything else. Earlier models of grief suggest that over time grief grows smaller.

In fact, our grief stays the same size but in time we grow around the grief so we have space for other thoughts, experiences and emotions.

This isn’t a straightforward linear process. Some days, grief takes up all the space and some days you have room for other feelings and experiences. Over time, these may become more frequent. But the grief hasn’t shrunk – you’ve grown round the grief.

Explaining grief to younger children

Explaining grief to young people

Puddle jumping

There is no linear journey of grief, bereaved children and young people can experience different thought and feelings at different times. In fact, children often jump in and out of their grief – we call this ‘puddle jumping’.

Children, particularly young children, may jump from feeling very upset and distressed one moment to wanting to know what’s for tea or whether they can play football, for example, the next. The reason for this is that children need a break from the powerful emotions that accompany their grief and so are able to jump out of them for a while in order that they are not overwhelmed.

This can be very confusing for children and they will need time and understanding to help them to process their loss.

Other resources you might find helpful

How to use a memory box

A guide to creating a memory box where children and young people can keep pictures and items that help them to maintain memories of the person who has died.

What do children understand about death?

How much children understand about death will be different at different ages and stages of development. We explain some of the most common stages.