WEBINAR FULL

If you would like to keep up to date with more webinars like this, please email your contact details to communications@staging.winstonswish.org.

Acclaimed Teacher, Author, and TES writer Kate Jones is teaming up with Winston’s Wish to deliver an exclusive webinar exploring how to support bereaved pupils in the classroom.

When: Wednesday 13th November (4pm to 5pm)

Where: Online via Zoom

Price: FREE

It’s estimated that 1 in 29 children* have experienced the death of a parent or sibling, that’s at least one in every classroom, and in a recent survey of bereaved young people** nearly half (49%) said that the issue that worried them most was falling behind in school or education.

If you work in an education setting and have received no formal bereavement training, this webinar is for you!

In this free webinar, Kate, alongside a Winston’s Wish Bereavement Support Worker, will explore ways in which you can create a supportive environment for bereaved children within your classroom.

Together, we will provide practical strategies and compassionate approaches to give you the skills and confidence to help bereaved children and young people.

This session promises invaluable insights and access to resources to help you better understand and address the needs of grieving students.

* Childhood Bereavement Network (2023)

** Winston’s Wish survey of 150 bereaved young people between the ages of 13 and 25 (2023)

Written by Winston’s Wish supporter, Nick

It was nearly 47 years ago, as a 19-year-old, when my life was turned upside down.

At around 4 am, a knock on my door, and two oversized policemen squeezed into my room. After suggesting I sit down, they told me, without much further softening of what was to come, that my parents had died in a car crash.

Grief is a difficult term to understand, it covers so much: denial, shock, loss, loneliness, anger, and managing other peoples’ reactions.

When I was told this at 4 am, I think I just glazed over; of course, you don’t believe it, this can’t really be happening? So, my immediate reaction may have been one of blankness, which the police interpreted as that I was taking it very well, so they left.

As I look back, it’s hard not to feel anger at having to blunder, over decades, through these stages. It is wonderful that organisations like Winston’s Wish are there now to help and support young people through parental loss and grief.

I was at university at the time and received no support, and my method of getting through all this was strongly, and badly, affected by having to manage other people’s expectations. In the 1970s, this was very much a time when you were expected not to show emotion, bottle things up, and ‘carry on’.

As I made my way home, alone, later that day, there was a newspaper billboard outside the rail station. It said, ‘Leeds couple dead in A61 crash.’ 

I remember distinctly thinking, are they talking about my mum and dad? It was only when I returned home and saw my elder brother and sister there with their partners and children, that the loss hit me.

Straight after the funeral, the first signs of having to deal with other peoples’ reactions became evident, when an uncle said I should call him if there was anything I needed and handed me his business card! Needless to say, I never spoke to him again.

The future weeks, months and years to come…

After two weeks I returned to university. Although I would have wanted someone to talk to, the reaction of other people became something that I had to learn to manage. At the time the way to do that seemed to try to block out my parent’s death. That worked during the day, but not at night when trying to sleep.

If I could speak to them now, I would tell them that I miss them, but that things worked out OK.

Initially, I could see people’s embarrassment when they first met me on return, as, understandably, they didn’t know how to deal with me. It became clear very quickly that if I was asked how I was, a simple “OK” was preferred to any attempt to say how I felt.

Over the next 15 – 20 years or so, if the conversation seemed to be moving on to general parent chat (where they lived, what did they do, etc.) I soon realised that if I couldn’t subtly change the subject, I would find an excuse to leave the group, at least for a few minutes for the conversation to move on.

My siblings lived quite some way away and had families of their own, so were distracted and busy with their lives. During university holidays, I always tried to hang around for as long as I could, trying to deflect questions about why I didn’t go home. All I wanted to say, but couldn’t, was that I didn’t have one.

Alongside this was the absolute fear of losing anyone close to me. If there was a knock at the door or a phone call, any later than, say 10 pm, I would just freeze, and my heart rate would surge fearing the worst. It also meant that I resisted ever getting too emotionally close to girlfriends. On a few occasions when this happened, it would hit me like a bullet that I had crossed this line, I typically would just cry myself to sleep at night fearing that there was now someone else I couldn’t bear losing.

As time has gone on, I look back now with feelings of sadness, sometimes anger, that I missed out on knowing my parents as an adult and understanding them much more.

I’m happily married with a family, retired having had a successful career, but there is always that part that wonders what would be different if I had received the right support.

In those days following the funeral, I simply had to get on with life, largely on my own, and there wasn’t any organisation like Winston’s Wish around when I needed them.

I now support Winston’s Wish with a monthly donation so that no child or young person in that situation has to face their grief alone and ‘just get on with life.’

How to get grief support

Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.  

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our support workers are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.  

Our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for urgent support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258.  

Make a donation today

By giving regularly like Nick, you’ll be helping more children and young people have access to support through their grief.

Please ensure that your browser version is up to date and that you do not have any extensions which prevent pops ups, so that your donation can be processed by our payment system. Thank you.

Grief, death, and dying are all things no one wants to talk about, but we do.

– Grace, Youth Trustee, 23 (bereaved at age 8) 

Bringing up the topic of death with children and young people is really important. Lots of adults find this uncomfortable when talking to other adults, and it’s completely normal to feel this way when talking to children and young people as well. It can sometimes feel such a big responsibility to talk about a death to a child or young person, and it’s normal to question where to start the conversation, what words to use, how will the child/young person react, must I do this, can I do this?   

You know that you can do this. Talking about a death isn’t just for health, education or bereavement specialists, it’s a conversation you can have with the children you’re supporting.  

It’s normal for adults to worry about saying the wrong thing, fearing the conversation will make the child feel worse after, or trying to avoid having the conversation altogether. It can feel like it’s testing all you’ve got, to have such an important conversation with the child. It can feel even more difficult for you if you are also grieving, in shock yourself and struggling to think clearly. 

If the child or young person you are supporting has special educational needs or disabilities, they may need some extra support in understanding what has happened. It is important to remember that no matter how severe their disability, each child will still be affected by grief and can be supported in a way that is appropriate to them. We have more information about this in our publication We All Grieve. 

Whilst there is no ‘one size fits all’, and every individual grieves differently, Winston’s Wish can support you in talking, and listening, to the child about the death and their grief. Use the on-demand services available on weekdays from 8am to 8pm.  

Call us for free on 08088 020 021 between 8am-8pm, weekdays.

Email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or fill out our contact form and we’ll reply within two working days.

Chat online between 8am-8pm, weekdays by clicking the blue ‘Chat with us’ button at the bottom right of your screen.

For out of hours mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

Talking to a child about death

If the child you’re supporting has experienced a death for the first time, they may not understand what death means, and you may need to explain this to them, perhaps over a period of time. Winston’s Wish created a resource for explaining death through insects. 

Children often struggle to understand the permanency of death, and they may think the person will come back to life again. This is normal, and it’s important to explain clearly to them that this cannot happen. The Winston’s Wish bereavement support team say that is better to be open, honest, and direct.  Read more here.

Most caring adults want to protect the child from distress and pain, and many choose to use softening language when explaining a death to a child, such as “they passed away”, “they’ve gone to sleep” or “we lost… ” Phrasing things like this may feel like you are shielding the child from difficult and painful feelings and emotions, and the reality of what has happened.  

If you can, use words like ‘died’ and ‘dead’ rather than ‘passed away’ or ‘lost’. Using less direct language often leads to confusion, especially in younger children who may wonder if they can go and find a person who is now ‘lost’ or wonder if they will die when they go to sleep, not understanding that dying is different from usual sleep, even if someone died whilst they were asleep. 

Telling a child about death and how it happened

If you don’t tell the child about a death, they are likely to feel confused and anxious about what has happened. You can help support the child by talking with them about a death. 

Don’t feel under pressure to talk about everything in detail, in this one conversation.  Winston’s Wish recommends giving age-appropriate information, often one piece of information at a time. You can build up the information that you share with the child over time, as and when they are ready for it.  Think of it like giving the child the next piece of the jigsaw puzzle. When they ask for the next piece, it lets you know that they are ready for it, so you can take the lead from the child and go at their pace.  

Where possible, Winston’s Wish bereavement support workers suggest having this conversation in person and being physically together in the same place at the same time. Avoid telling the child about a death over the phone or text message if possible. 

You can start the conversation by saying that you have some sad news to tell them.  You may want to let them know that after you have explained this, that you can both have a hug, or they can do an activity of their choice. Emphasise that you are there for them if they want to do something together or if they want time on their own, that’s ok too. If it’s manageable, it’s important for you to maintain existing routines around mealtimes, bedtimes etc., because this sense of predictability and familiarity can be comforting and reassuring to a child or young person and help them to feel safe. 

Often it can be enough to just say that someone has died. Winston’s Wish recommends using their name/relationship to the child “… has died”.   

Here is a video which explains death, dying and grief for children around primary school age, but may also be useful for people of different ages. 

Managing reactions from more than one child

If you are supporting more than one child, you may decide to tell them together or one at a time. Be prepared that they may have different understandings and grief responses, some may cry, some may not; some may act as if nothing has happened, whereas you may see huge changes in emotional, social and behavioural presentation in others; some may want to be close to you, others may prefer time on their own or with their friends. This is normal and ok. Try not to judge and compare any differences between siblings in what grief emotions and feelings are shown and how, but view them each individually, and accept that grief is unique, and this is what the death of this person means to this individual child now, and how they are coping with this.  

Remember that there are lots of different ways that individual children and young people may respond after news of a death. The child may respond differently to how you have responded, or differently to a sibling. 

Don’t be afraid of any silences or pauses, as the child tries to make sense of what is being said to them. Shock is a normal response to being told news of a death. Give the child time to start to process the enormity of what has just been said to them, don’t rush this or overwhelm them with more information.  

Sometimes people of all ages will struggle to accept news about a death and may think it is a joke or not really true. They may need more time to process what has been said to them, and to re-hear this a few times for it to sink in. 

Some children, especially younger ones, may want to go off and play immediately after you tell them that someone has died, and not appear to have appreciated the seriousness of what has been shared with them. This may be because they don’t really understand and/or because young children often ‘puddle jump’ in their grief. This means that when children start to feel difficult or uncomfortable feelings and emotions, that they can quickly try to distract themselves with other things. If the child reacts like this, it’s quite normal and it doesn’t mean that you have done anything wrong. 

Read more about children and their grief.

Answering questions the child(ren) may have

You can then be led by any questions the child or young person asks.  Remember that if a child or young person asks a question it usually means that they are ready for the answer.  Remember to explain using child appropriate language, in a way that a child can understand. 

If you are unsure how to answer a question from the child, let them know that you will have a think about how best to explain this for them, and then be sure to come back to them. 

You are welcome to use the on-demand services to speak to one of the Winston’s Wish bereavement support workers, so they can help you to think about how to tell the child about a death of someone in their life, in a way that they can understand. They are here to help you practise this conversation if you want to and to feel more confident in being able to do this. They can also offer you support after having had this conversation, by helping you to think about ways to respond to any questions that the child has, and what to do next to help support the child as they grieve.

Grief is the love you have for the person who passed away, living on.

– Conor, Youth Ambassador, 24 (bereaved at age 17)

Remember the worst has already happened, by being willing to be available to the child and to talk with them about what has happened, you are supporting them and showing them that you care about them. You are also letting them know that they don’t have to try to make sense of this all on their own, that you can talk about this together, if they want to, from now on.  

Don’t worry if you cry. If this happens, let the child know that people cry for all sorts of different reasons, and sometimes people cry because they are feeling sad and miss the person who has died. Let the child know that this is what you are feeling now “I’m crying because I’m really missing… and sad that they died.” 

There are story books that you can read with the child to help them to understand more about what has happened and how death affects us; to begin to think about what the death of this person means to them now, how they feel, what questions they have, and ways that they can be supported in their grief. 

Take a look at our suggested reading list. 

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Free Grief Activities

Activities can be a useful way to help grieving children and young people to explore and express their feelings and emotions and to help them maintain memories of the person who has died. Take a look at some of our activities that you can try yourself at home.

How to support a teenager who is grieving

When a teenager experiences the death of someone close to them, their emotions and ability to cope can feel so much more difficult and intensified for the young person and those supporting them. We have some advice on how to talk to a teenager about a death.

Exams can often be a difficult time for most students when people can feel under pressure to perform and to give of their best. This can sometimes feel additionally difficult for students who are grieving, who may find it hard to think clearly, take information in, access memory recall, concentrate and focus, and see the value in doing exams, when their entire world has been turned upside down by losing someone, when their emotions are heightened, when day to day life and things like sleep can already feel a struggle. 

Not all young people struggle with exams when grieving though. Grief doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some bereaved young people are highly motivated and focussed on making plans for their future, and sitting exams offers them some distraction from their grief. 

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and restless at stressful times like exams, when changes may be up ahead, as young people can relate these feelings with their past emotions from the time of the bereavement. Grief feelings can return during important life events and changes. The bereavement doesn’t have to be recent for grief to affect the student in their exams.

Exams are also a time when existing school/college routines change. Maintaining routines can help a grieving student to feel safe and that despite the pain of their loss, reassure them that aspects of their life is still predictable and familiar. Without the normal school/college routine, life can start to feel unsettled again and this can bring on feelings of unease and fear. 

Students who are grieving may be seeking distractions to help themselves cope with painful thoughts, feelings and emotions, as part of their grief, and the prospect of sitting in an exam hall, in silence for a few hours, surrounded by other students, may cause them to feel exposed and worry about what others will think of them and how they will get through the exams if they start to cry or if their mind goes blank. 

They may also feel additional responsibility to achieve well for their family and/or the person who has died and want to make them proud. 

How can an adult support a grieving young person?

Don’t make assumptions about a young person’s experiences. Have a conversation with the young person to find out how they feel and what support they want from you and/or others. Ask each individual grieving student: 

• How do you feel about the exams?
• Do you have any worries about them?
• If you do, what might help?

 

If the student identifies fears and/or worries but doesn’t identify anything that could help, offer suggestions “can I suggest….? (grounding techniques), how do you feel about giving this a go?” 

Talk to the student before the exams to ask how they would like you to support them. This could include getting them some tasty snacks to enjoy whilst revising, practical and emotional support. 

Revision

Short bitesize revision sessions of up to 20 minutes, followed by a 10-minute break, will be more effective in aiding memory retention than solid revision for hours at a time. It is important to give the brain time to process information and not to overwhelm it, otherwise this is more likely to cause the student to feel frustrated and disheartened. 

Help the student to identify things that calm and relax them, things that they enjoy and experience joy, purpose and satisfaction doing, and things that help them to feel safe, which they can do before the exams, between exams, or as they get ready to go to sleep. These don’t have to be big things, often it’s the ordinary things that can be most helpful. Consider trying to involve as many of your 5 senses as you can- things that they can look at, touch/hold, taste, smell, and listen to, which they identify as bringing them a sense of calmness, feel good and comforting. 

Show interest in the student and their wellbeing and interests generally, don’t just focus conversations on their exam revision/preparation and performance. Recognise that whilst exams are a part of their life, their self-worth, identify and value go way beyond this experience. 

Sometime before the exams, support the student to try using different grounding techniques, to see which ones they prefer and help them most to calm and focus, such as visualisation of ‘my happy place’ which can be used before, during or after an exam, breathing exercises, and affirmations to name but a few. It will be easier for the student to benefit from these if they have practised them before the exams, and if they can view them as more generally as life skills. 

Encourage the student to see the value of self-care

Help the student to plan treats or things that they can look forward to after each exam, between exams, and after the whole exam experience. 

Help the student to know what options they have and how they can be supported if…. happens (If my mind goes blank/ I start to cry….), then I can…. (…) So that they know they have choice. 

When sitting the exams

For some grieving students it is very important to them to feel connected to the person who has died whilst they are sitting an exam, for example, wearing a piece of jewellery that either belonged to the person who died, or has their ashes in, or was given to them by the person who has died. Some grieving young people may want to 

have something small in their bag or pocket that connects them to the person who has died- having this physically with them, can help to reassure and comfort them. 

If the student doesn’t feel that one exam went well, listen, accept, and validate their feelings. Encourage them to see each exam as a separate opportunity and to give each one a go. If one exam doesn’t go well at the start of the exam timetable, this doesn’t mean that all exams will go the same way. 

Offer reassurance to students who need it, explaining that there is the option for re-sits. 

If a student isn’t motivated to do exams, and does not appear to care about them, don’t tell them off or punish them. Recognise that everyone’s motivation and drive for exams will differ, and that it’s understandable that a grieving student can lose their motivation and can’t see the value in sitting exams when the worst thing has happened to them. 

Things for education staff to consider with the student

If the student is able to have additional time to complete their exams, speak to them about putting that in place for them. If the student might get distracted during the exam thinking about the person who has died and need time to re-focus on the exam, the additional time could help them a lot.

If the student is able to sit their exam in a different room or on their own, this may help them to feel less exposed and perhaps help them to concentrate.

Where needed and wanted by the student, offer adaptations to support the student. Ask them how they want to manage their grief in terms of their exams, open the conversation instead of ignoring it and expecting the typical exam to suit their individual needs.

You might also like

Talk Grief

Our new website youth-led website, Talk Grief provides grief support of young people (13-25), giving them access to on-demand services, articles, personal stories and video content – all aimed towards young people! It’s a fantastic tool that can give additional support to young people

How to support a teenager who is grieving

When a teenager experiences the death of someone close to them, their emotions and ability to cope can feel so much more difficult and intensified for the young person and those supporting them. We have some advice on how to talk to a teenager about a death.

The easter break can be a time for joy and celebration for many, but for those who are grieving the death of someone, it can be an especially challenging time. 

For some children and young people, school or college can serve as a distraction from their grief, so when the holidays come around, the change in routine can bring up thoughts and emotions that they may have been previously masking. If you are supporting a grieving child or young person, they may need extra care and understanding during this time. 

Here are some ways you can help to manage grief over the Easter break. 

Open communication

Encourage open and honest communication with the children and young people that you are supporting. Let them know that it’s okay to talk about their feelings and memories of the person that has died. It’s also important to let them know that it’s okay to feel however they want to feel during this time. 

Create ways to help them express their feelings

Supporting children and young people to express their emotions can be helpful. Sometimes they may not have the words to say but they can express how they feel in other ways, like painting, drawing or play.  

Other ways to help express how they feel, is through meaningful rituals. This could be anything from lighting a candle in honour of the person who has died to planting a flower in their memory. 

Acknowledge how they want to grieve

It’s important to respect and acknowledge how children and young people want to grieve over the Easter period. Some may want to take part in traditional celebrations, while others may prefer to spend quiet time alone or with family.  

However, they want to grieve is okay and they shouldn’t be forced to act in a way that isn’t in line with how they are feeling. 

Offer practical support

Offer practical support to help alleviate some of the stress that may come from any responsibilities that they may be facing whilst grieving. This could be things like household chores, preparing meals, or helping with homework or studies. 

Plan healthy distractions

Plan activities or outings that can serve as healthy distractions during the Easter break. Whether it’s going for a walk in nature, watching a movie, or participating in a creative project. Finding ways to engage their minds and bodies can be beneficial. 

Take care of yourself

Remember to also take care of yourself as well, especially if you are also grieving the death of the same person. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so make sure to prioritise your own self-care and seek support. We’re here to help. 

Seek professional help if needed

If the grieving child or young person is struggling to cope, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Winston’s Wish. Managing grief can be tricky. There isn’t a step-by-step process as emotions can be up one minute and down the next. But don’t worry, if you need support, we are available for you. 

The Easter break may be a difficult time for some grieving children and young people, but not for all. It’s important to check in to see if they need extra support but also ok to give them space if they do not. 

How to get grief support

Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them.  

You can call our Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email us on ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use our live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Our support workers are here to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support we can offer and what might be most suitable for you.  

Our Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for urgent support in a crisis. Text WW to 85258.  

You might also like

Talk Grief

Our new website youth-led website, Talk Grief provides grief support of young people (13-25), giving them access to on-demand services, articles, personal stories and video content – all aimed towards young people!

How to make an indoor memory garden

Remember your loved ones by creating an indoor memory garden that celebrates the life of those no longer with us. Focusing on celebrations can help children and young people who are grieving, experience the holidays in a positive light.

WEBINAR FULL

If you would like to keep up to date with more webinars like this, please email your contact details to communications@staging.winstonswish.org.

Join acclaimed Teacher, Author, and TES writer Kate Jones with special guests Winston’s Wish in this exclusive webinar exploring how to support bereaved pupils in the classroom.

It’s estimated that 1 in 29 children* have experienced the death of a parent or sibling, that’s at least one in every classroom, and in a recent survey of bereaved young people** nearly half (49%) said that the issue that worried them most was falling behind in school or education.

This free webinar will explore some of the practical strategies and compassionate approaches to create a supportive environment for bereaved children within your classroom. Led by Winston’s Wish, the UK’s first childhood bereavement charity, this session promises invaluable insights and access to resources to help you better understand and address the needs of grieving students.

If you work in an education setting and have received no formal bereavement training, this webinar is for you!

* Childhood Bereavement Network (2023)

** Winston’s Wish survey of 150 bereaved young people between the ages of 13 and 25 (2023)

This article has been written by freelance writer Sophie Bishop. Sophie aims to spread awareness through her writing around issues to do with healthcare, grief and wellbeing. www.sophiebishop.co.uk.

In a survey carried out by YouGov, it was found that around 18 million people across the UK were uncomfortable talking about bereavement. This isn’t a surprise – loss is a difficult topic and one that can bring up a lot of painful emotions for everyone involved. But, when a young person around you is struggling, it’s important you’re able to talk about and support them through their grief, making the experience a little easier. 

With that in mind, we’ve put together an easy-to-understand guide full of tips that’ll help you help others.  

How grief can affect behaviour

Whether you’re a parent or carer, professional, or friend, if you’re supporting a young person who’s recently lost a loved one, you first need to be empathetic to their grief. Everyone grieves differently and it can be difficult to fully understand someone else’s grief, but providing an open ear and a shoulder to cry on is always important.  

Bereavement can be a difficult experience, but when you’re young it can be harder to understand and/or control the emotions you’re feeling. This can lead to outbursts of anger or frustration, as well as mood swings and mood disorders. It’s important to understand that negative behaviour can be a result of the sadness and loss they feel and acting out is an attempt to deal with these emotions, not because they want to be difficult.  

Grief symptoms may return occasionally even after long periods. This will often happen around certain times of the year, such as the anniversary of the event or the person’s birthday. But for about 7-10% of people, painful emotions and sadness persist for over a year after the loss. This is “complicated grief.” 

You might see the young person revert back to childlike behaviour, too, as a coping mechanism. In other cases, they may try to take on the role of an adult, bottling up their emotions and attempting to take control instead. 

Dealing with harmful behaviour

It’s crucial to note that grief may lead to harmful behaviour. If the young person is showing signs of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or other concerning actions (like starting to drink alcohol, acting differently or taking drugs) it’s vital that professional help is on hand.  

Speak to your doctor if you notice the young person is physically harming themselves or expressing suicidal behaviour. For drug or alcohol abuse, it may be wise to consider professional help that can help tackle their potential addiction while working through their grief. Not everyone will require professional help but it’s vital to keep it as an option. 

If you see that the young person is acting out or behaving in a way that’s harmful to themselves, don’t ignore it because they’re grieving. Instead, talk to them. Let them know you’ve witnessed their behaviour and that it is not healthy.  

Don’t shout or tell them off, but make it clear you won’t let them behave in a way that’s harmful to themselves and that you love and/or care for them too much for that to happen. Make it clear that you’re acting out of compassion and care rather than anger for a constructive conversation. 

• Don’t judge 
• Don’t shout 
• Don’t push too hard 
• Make sure you speak with love 
• Listen to what they have to say 
• Remain understanding 

 

It’s also important that the young person has someone they can talk to. If you’re a parent/carer or friend, make them aware they can talk to you but that they don’t have to. Young people sometimes prefer to speak with someone who isn’t in their close family or friendship and reassure them that this is okay, as long as it’s someone they trust. Remember, too, that you can always direct them towards our support helpline for professional resources and bereavement support. 

Understand that grief doesn’t end

When supporting a grieving young person, it’s important to understand that you’re not working towards getting rid of the grief. Instead, you’re helping them to live with it. 

Think of grief like a big circle representing the amount of importance it holds in the young person’s life. At the moment, any other circles, like social life or interests, are going to be relatively small in comparison, meaning that they won’t seem as much of a priority or as important. Some young people may seek support from activities in their lives that they enjoy, and may find them helpful. 

As the young person works through their loss, the size of the grief circle is never going to disappear and might even remain the same size, but those other circles are going to grow around it. This is the process of them learning to live with the grief. 

As someone trying to support them, instead of focusing on removing their grief, focus instead on: 

• Acknowledging the loss and pain with them 
• Validating their emotions 
• Providing an empathetic ear they can talk to 
• Showing love and support so they know they’re not alone 
• Bringing comfort to their day-to-day lives 
• Taking control of tasks that are too difficult to deal with 
• Being there 

Make time to talk and listen

Learning how to listen to someone who is grieving is going to make you better equipped to provide support. Some tips for being a good listener include: 

• Be patient (don’t talk through pauses or finish their sentences) 
• Look at them when they’re talking even if they don’t look at you 
• Don’t interrupt 
• Get rid of distractions (e.g. put down your phone and turn off the TV) 
• Empathise, validate, and support 

 

Make time to talk, too. If a young person is grieving, don’t put a timer on the conversation or rush off when they’re finished. Prioritise them in that moment and know that washing the dishes or walking the dog can wait. 

Be there to help

Being there to help can make the young person who’s grieving feel cared for and supported while they’re struggling. It won’t take the grief away but it may make them feel less alone.  

As a parent, if there are tasks you can do to make their day easier, like putting their clothes away for them or making them lunch for school, do them. Take on or help them with tasks related to the bereavement, too, such as informing the school or friends of their loss.  

As a professional or friend, any help you can give, which can be as simple as making them a cup of tea, bringing them their favourite snack, or finding their jumper so they don’t have to get up, will show that you care.  

To summarise

Grief is something no one can fix. But, by being present for a bereaved loved one and knowing how to help with their emotions, you can make sure they’re supported at a time when they need it. 

How to get grief support

If you’re a young person who is struggling with their grief or you are an adult who would like help to support a child or young person after the death of someone, Winston’s Wish are available to help. Winston’s Wish provides support for children, young people up to the age of 25 and adults supporting them. 

You can call the Freephone Helpline on 08088 020 021 (8am-8pm, Monday to Friday), email ask@staging.winstonswish.org or use live chat (open 8am-8pm, Monday to Friday). Winston’s Wish support workers are available to listen, can offer immediate guidance and resources and tell you what support they can offer and what might be most suitable for you. 

The Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger is available 24/7 for mental help support, text WW to 85258 to speak with someone from our trusted partner, Shout. For urgent support in a crisis, please call 999.

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Talk Grief

Talk Grief is our new dedicated online space for grieving teenagers and young adults. They can talk to bereavement professionals, hear from other young grieving people, and share how they grieve: the good, the bad and the ugly.

What is grief? Young people share what grief is to them

Grief is different for everyone but experiencing grief for the first time as a child or young person can present even more challenges than experiencing grief as an adult. So we asked young people with experience of grief, what it means to them.

Winston’s Wish is excited to be launching Talk Grief – the Youth Led Grief Network, a dedicated online space for grieving teenagers and young adults to find support, help others and say it how it is – the good, the bad and the ugly.   

Powered by Winston’s Wish, this brand-new website is a dedicated space for bereaved young people to express and cope with grief as well as feel seen and know that their feelings are valid.  

This exciting project has been in the pipeline for many months, and we’re excited to be officially launching to the public on Monday 26th of February. 

Talk Grief features a wide range of advice and support articles crafted by the expert bereavement team here at Winston’s Wish as well as a wealth of content created by Winston’s Wish Youth Ambassadors. 

I lost my mam when I was 16 and I felt like there was nothing out there that I could relate to. I felt as if everything was aimed at people younger than me or people older than me and there was just this huge gap in the middle that I fell into. 

Winston’s Wish Youth Ambassador

Talk Grief has been crafted with the support of the Winston’s Wish Youth Forum, a dedicated group of young people with lived experience of bereavement who have advised us on their preference for website features, visuals and the type of content offered.  

Fergus Crow, CEO of Winston’s Wish commented, “We are thrilled to be releasing Talk Grief publicly and look forward to this new resource reaching young people across the UK to help them to know that they are not alone with their grief.  

“Following my own bereavement as a teenager, there was no such resource or support available to people in my position and I am pleased that we are moving forward to a future where no child, teenager or young adult has to cope with their storm of emotions without knowing that they have a community behind them. Talk Grief will be that space for countless young adults.  

“I am proud of our Youth Advisory Board for holding us accountable to our youth-led ethos and ensuring that the new Talk Grief website provides bereaved young people with the dedicated online space they need to help them to cope with their grief. I hope that as many bereaved young people as possible can be aware of this space created just for them.” 

Winston’s Wish hopes that this resource reaches as many bereaved young people as possible and would like to thank the Peter Sowerby Foundation for their kind financial support in the creation of Talk Grief.  

Check out our brand-new online space for bereaved teenagers and young adults (ages 13 to 25). Whatever grief looks or feels like, let’s talk about it. Visit TalkGrief.org today.